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Living abroad as an expat requires taking on significantly more personal responsibility for one's social life, lifestyle choices, relationships, finances, and health, as the safety nets and guardrails present in one's home country are often absent.
Living abroad as an expat offers increased freedom but demands a higher level of personal responsibility compared to life in one's home country, which typically provides more inherent guardrails. This responsibility extends to the social circles one chooses, emphasizing the need to be aware of the types of people and establishments one frequents. The speaker cautions against falling into negative patterns, such as excessive drinking or associating with problematic individuals, and highlights that while victim-blaming is not the intent, personal choices significantly impact safety and well-being.
Beyond social interactions, expats must take responsibility for their lifestyle choices. The abundance of free time and a less judgmental culture in places like Southeast Asia can be liberating but also tempting, potentially leading to unhealthy habits or self-destructive paths. Proactive financial management is also crucial, as expats lack local safety nets and may not have access to repatriation assistance without first exhausting personal resources and seeking help from contacts back home. This necessitates robust emergency funds, repatriation budgets, and careful monthly income planning.
Relationships and personal health are further areas where expat responsibility is paramount. When choosing a partner, it's vital to vet them thoroughly, understanding that relationships often come with family obligations or 'package deals.' Rushing into commitments or ignoring red flags can lead to regret. Similarly, mental and physical health require active self-care, seeking out healthcare providers, and building support systems, as these aspects are fundamental to overall success and well-being abroad. Ultimately, the expat experience is a trade-off between freedom and the essential need for self-reliance and accountability.
Expat responsibility for well-being abroad means taking full ownership of your social life, lifestyle choices, relationships, finances, and health. Unlike your home country, there are fewer built-in safety nets, so proactive self-management is essential. This includes choosing your social circles wisely and being mindful of potential negative influences.
Managing your social life abroad involves consciously choosing your environments and the people you associate with. Be aware of the types of establishments and individuals you engage with to avoid negative influences or potential dangers. Taking responsibility for your social circle is key to maintaining a healthy and safe expat experience.
Rigorous financial planning is critical for expats because they often lack the safety nets available in their home countries. This includes maintaining emergency funds, creating repatriation budgets, and carefully managing monthly income. Without proactive financial management, expats risk facing destitution abroad.
When forming relationships abroad, expats must prioritize responsible partner selection and understand that relationships may come with additional commitments, such as children or extended family. Rushing into relationships or ignoring red flags can lead to significant regret. Thorough vetting is crucial for long-term well-being.
Self-reliance is paramount for expats as the freedom of living abroad comes with increased accountability for one's actions and overall well-being. You must actively seek out healthcare, build support systems, and manage your lifestyle choices proactively. No one else will ensure your health and safety abroad.
The freedom of expat life can be liberating, but it also presents challenges that demand greater personal responsibility. This increased freedom can lead to self-destructive habits if not managed proactively, requiring expats to be accountable for their lifestyle choices. It's a trade-off between liberty and the essential need for self-management.
Expats should be mindful of their social circles and choose their environments wisely. This includes being aware of the types of people and establishments one frequents. Avoiding negative influences is crucial for maintaining safety and well-being abroad.
Expats in the Philippines may face challenges related to lifestyle choices, such as excessive free time leading to unhealthy habits. Proactive financial management is also critical due to the lack of local safety nets. Additionally, navigating relationships requires careful vetting, as they can involve significant family obligations.
Expats need robust financial planning, including emergency funds and repatriation budgets, as they lack the safety nets of their home countries. Careful monthly income planning is essential to avoid destitution. Building significant savings and having a reliable income stream are key to financial stability abroad.
The freedom of expat life comes with a greater need for self-reliance and accountability. Expats must proactively manage their physical and mental health, as well as their social interactions and financial well-being, because no one else will do it for them.
When choosing a partner abroad, it's vital to vet them thoroughly and understand potential family obligations. Rushing into commitments or ignoring red flags can lead to regret. Being deliberate and taking things slow is advised to avoid potential pitfalls.
Expats should take ownership of their lifestyle choices, as increased freedom abroad can lead to self-destructive habits if not managed proactively. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle involves regular physical activity and self-care. Finding healthy outside activities like walking or swimming can help manage the adjustment to new environments.
0:01 Hey YouTube, Alex here. And in today's video, I want to talk about expats taking responsibility. One of the things that comes up a lot for me is that people are always saying, 'What are the tradeoffs? What are the downsides? What do you deal with over there? Isn't it dangerous over there? Isn't it unsafe?' And I thought I'd answer the question because I think that the tradeoff of having more freedom over here is that you have to take more responsibility. Back home, there's some guardrails that we have that basically make things as safe as they could possibly be. And when you're living overseas, you don't really have those guardrails.
0:33 Let's go ahead and get into the topic of taking responsibility. We'll do these in descending order. So, the fifth point is the social circle you choose to surround yourself with. As an expat, you have to take responsibility for your choices in social circle, who you hang around with, where you hang out. Certain places, certain establishments tend to attract different kinds of people, not just other expats, but also local people. You have to really be mindful of that, where you go and who you're hanging out with, what kind of people those places attract, because that's part of taking responsibility.
1:08 Some people I've noticed, they'll come on YouTube and they'll talk about these horror stories. And then you dig into it and you find out that, 'Oh, well, you know, I just happened to be at the bar every single day,' or 'Oh, well, I just happened to be at the girly bar every single day,' or 'I just happened to be hanging out in the bad part of town every day.' I'm not a fan of victim blaming, but you do have to take responsibility as an expat. If you are not a citizen of another country that you're moving to, if you are not a permanent resident, if you don't have family there, it's especially more so the case on you to learn about what's safe there, what's not safe there, but more importantly, who's safe and who's not safe.
1:49 Many of the same things that apply in your home country will apply there too. If you have found that it's safer for you to be in at night most nights, then maybe you should also be staying in at night, coming home at a decent hour. These factors don't magically change since you've changed countries or changed locations. They're true in just about every country. I'm not saying you can't have fun, I'm not saying you can't meet new people or enjoy yourself, but you really got to take responsibility for where you go and who you're hanging out with.
2:16 If you get the impression somebody has a serious problem, then it might be time to distance yourself from that person, hang out with some other people, maybe find another establishment. There's no shortage of cool people. I say this a lot, but back home, we get a job, we don't control who our boss is, our manager, we don't control who our co-workers are, we don't control where our office is. We have to just kind of accept whatever that may be. Yeah, you've got to take responsibility to get to work on time, but for most of us, job hopping is suboptimal. We don't want to have those bad marks on a resume, and so we kind of stick it out.
2:48 But as an expat retiree or as somebody living overseas, assuming you're not working, you have a lot more flexibility. You can choose who you want to be around. It's not like you sign a contract with a certain bar and I've got to be there five days a week, every night. No, if you don't like it, if you don't like the crowd there, then you don't have to spend time there. You might be like me, I don't drink at all, so there's no bar that I want to go hang out in.
3:11 There are a couple resto bars that I like. I'll go there and have the food. I'm not going to be there all night. I found that no matter where you go in the world, that alcohol can lead to trouble. It's not guaranteed, but it opens up the potential for you running into certain kinds of issues that wouldn't happen without it. I mean, there are guys in different expat communities that I met, and they're always having problems. And then you start to dig into it, 'Who do you hang around?' 'Well, you know, I just happened to hang around the bar and they're my friends.'
3:42 And you realize what they have is not friends, what they have is drinking buddies. They have people that will tell them, 'Oh no, it's perfectly normal to be wasted every day.' They want people that will sit there and tell them, 'Yeah, it's perfectly normal to go out to the bar at 10:00 AM.' 'It's perfectly normal to be wasted all the time.' People who will enable them. And so I think it's important if you're trying to turn over a new leaf, maybe you did resort to some of these unhealthy coping mechanisms back home. When you come over here, you got to take responsibility for who you choose to associate with.
4:12 There's a lot of people who have strange backgrounds. This is even more so the case within expat communities. I'm not sure if there's exactly one reason as to why that is, but you really have to find the few people you want to be around. There's not a whole lot of people I enjoy spending time with, and I regularly look for reasons to filter somebody out of the fold because I'd rather focus on the people I get along with. I'd rather focus on the people I really enjoy spending time with as opposed to diffusing my time among a lot of different people that I just don't get along with.
4:43 We don't have shared values, they've got some kind of interpersonal issue, they've got a high conflict personality, whatever it may be. There's a lot of people I just don't want to be around. The next point is lifestyle choices. You have to take responsibility for your lifestyle choices. Back home, you're probably so busy with work, you didn't really have the option to think much about your lifestyle choices to the same extent. You did to some degree, but I find that some people really fall off the wagon over here because they've got all this free time and they don't know what to do with it.
5:11 They're not used to being able to date, they're not used to being able to party every day of the week. They're not used to being in a less judgmental culture where, back home, you got to do this, you got to do that, you can't live that way. You can't live this way here in Southeast Asia. It's a lot more 'live and let live' in a lot of ways. And so you have so much more freedom. There, if you want to wake up at noon, you can wake up at noon. If you want to wake up at 5:00 AM like I did this morning, you can wake up at 5:00 AM and everything in between.
5:36 There's a lot of temptation over here that probably doesn't exist for you back home. I think most of us feel more free in Southeast Asia than we do in our home countries. But with that freedom comes responsibility to try to live a healthier lifestyle. I mean, most of what a person would want to do is tolerated here, if not socially acceptable. Many are at least willing to overlook your behavior as the eccentric expat, the oddball foreigner who does some weird stuff, but pays his rent on time, pays his bills.
6:06 Is not somebody that they might want to invite over for Christmas dinner, but somebody that, 'Ah, you know what, they're doing their part financially,' and so, 'You know, we'll just overlook that.' They seem to be on this path of self-destruction, you could say. I have found that if somebody's engaging in a self-destructive lifestyle in Southeast Asia, they're not going to get as much interference. Where back home in the US, unless it affects somebody else directly such that law enforcement gets involved, a lot of people will simply egg you on.
6:31 They are crabs in a bucket. They want you to engage in these behaviors because it validates their own choices in life, why things are the way they are, why they've done things a certain way. Here, most people are more live and let live. And with that comes a tradeoff where you have to be extra diligent about your choices because you can afford to live more insulated as a foreigner. You have a lot more control over your lifestyle choices, and with that comes a lot of responsibility. I think it's wonderful. I think the freedom here is awesome, but it's coupled with the sense of responsibility.
7:00 Like, 'Hey, I really got to take accountability for my actions because it's not like back home where I have a lot more experience in dealing with the rules, where I know where the hard limits are, and it's much more clear to me there due to years of experience.' A lot of us are still somewhat new over here. We've lived most of our lives back home in a different system, and we're trying to learn the new system. So yeah, take responsibility. Learn what you can and can't do ahead of time before you get over here. Try to think about how your lifestyle is going to change, and I think that will be for the best.
7:33 The third point is your relationship. I think it's really important for guys to take their relationship seriously and to have that awareness of what it takes to maintain a healthy relationship. This differs from person to person. Different people have different expectations in a relationship. Although I will say, I think all happy relationships are happy in all the same ways. A lot of guys here date single moms, women with children from a previous relationship. And if that's you, then you have to take on that extra responsibility if you want to be in a relationship with that person. It's a package deal.
8:06 There's so much here in relationships where you have to accept the package deal, right? One phrase I hear a lot is, 'You're not just marrying her, you're marrying her family.' And so if she has a toxic family, then you have to keep that in mind to think, 'Well, I don't know if taking responsibility for a toxic family is the best thing ever.' I think some guys take responsibility by moving to another island. That's a common one that you hear from some bloggers. I don't know if you necessarily have to do that. I think what's better is just filtering for that family.
8:39 Take responsibility in the selection process, and that will pay dividends down the line. I think some guys in the selection process, they think, 'All I want is an attractive woman.' And like 80% of the
8:49 For a woman to be attractive is not sufficient for a relationship. I would prefer a person with other qualities on top of that. But some guys, they pick the first woman they meet because, oh look, she's attractive, and they're not really taking responsibility for that selection process. Down the line, things go sideways. Some guys go for the low-hanging fruit and they wonder, 'Why is my girlfriend's family toxic?' I'm wondering, did you take the responsibility to meet her or to get to know them?
9:17 Half of the responsibility in a relationship, in my opinion, is in the selection process. Taking the time to vet potential partners, not rushing into a relationship, knowing what you're looking for, being willing to say no. I think going on a ton of first dates is a good idea here or anywhere in the world, especially if you're not as familiar with the culture, you're new to the country.
9:41 The guy who wants to marry the first woman he meets and then complains about how it didn't go well, to me, he's just not taking responsibility. That's why I get annoyed when guys say, 'I got scammed.' I'm not saying there aren't scams, that's not what I'm saying here. But the guys who try to rush into something, take shortcuts, I think you set yourself up to be taken advantage of.
10:03 You have to take responsibility to think, 'Okay, I just met her. Does she really love me? I've only gone on one date with her. Is it really time for us to live together?' Think back to your home country: is a successful guy desperate? Now look overseas: is the catch of a woman desperate? Probably not. So if you encounter somebody who is desperate, who's throwing themselves at you, you have to think, 'What kind of person would throw themselves at me? Who else have they thrown themselves at?'
10:29 Think through things and don't just get wrapped up into, 'Well, I feel this way and I feel that way.' We have to use logic and reasoning when we're living overseas. You also have to think about unique cultural aspects. So here in the Philippines, it's typical for a woman to help her family out, and you have to determine what can we afford, not, 'I'm going to hand them the contents of my bank account.' And also not, 'I'm not going to give anything.' Once you're in a relationship, then it is important to be honest.
10:55 I recognize some of this is kind of redundant or obvious, but I need to say it anyway. For a guy who's married or a woman who's married, there are certain additional responsibilities that they have to follow and be mindful of. Make sure that they're staying faithful because there could be real consequences to not being faithful here. There are real consequences, so you really have to take responsibility for your actions.
11:20 Not just within a marriage, but also when you're in a relationship. Filipinos and Filipinas tend to have what I call facial recognition technology. So you go off on a tryst, chances are somebody's going to see you, somebody that might know your significant other. I've been spotted out at the mall, I've been spotted out in public by people that know the woman that I'm chatting with.
11:38 Now, of course, I'm honest. I'm not going to be deceptive, and there's nothing for her to be concerned about. But if I was being deceptive, if I was dishonest, thinking, 'Oh, I'll just get away with this or get away with that,' well, you can get caught, and there are consequences to being caught. So be mindful of that. I know most of you are not like that, but if there's the odd person watching this that is like that, then they should know that it's something to be aware of.
12:01 Point number two is your finances. Now, this is something that all of us have to take responsibility for. The US may provide you a repatriation loan, and that's not a guarantee, it's a maybe if they'll provide it to you. I think in many cases they will, but first, they make you call up three people back in the US asking if somebody can loan you the money.
12:20 So it's not right off the bat. It's you've got to go through this embarrassing situation where you call people up and explain, 'Hey, I've run out of money in another country. Do you have any resources to help me to purchase a plane ticket to come back home?' And I think that's where your nightmare begins because you're going back to the US if you're out of money. You're probably going back to a neighborhood that's not very good. You probably don't have any recent work history. It's just not going to be a good experience all around.
12:44 As a foreigner living overseas that doesn't have access to the local safety nets, you could really be in a tough bind if you misstep. If you run out of money, and this is why it takes a lot of financial planning to do this successfully. In my opinion, you need an emergency fund, you need a repatriation budget, you need monthly income. Those are different pots of money.
13:08 You're not going to all have it in one go. Most of us will separate those funds. This is my funds if I have a major healthcare issue. These are my funds if I run out of money or for whatever reason need to rush back home. That's a repatriation budget. And then your monthly income that you're going to use to pay for your rent, your food, your transportation, all these different budget items that are very important.
13:31 That you need to cover on a consistent basis that aren't fund money. Right? I look at it like there's a budget to exist and there's a budget to thrive. Your budget to exist isn't taking vacations, it's not going on shopping sprees. It's really about, 'What is the bare minimum I need to survive?'
13:46 And then add on top of that, if I want to have a relationship, what's that going to cost? If I want to take vacations, what's that going to cost? That should all come on top. And maybe even have a pot of money for that. Maybe set aside $1,000 every quarter for a vacation. I don't know how much your vacation budget will be, depends on how many people you're taking, depends on your expectations as far as hotel and dining and activities.
14:11 That should be a separate consideration, but you really have to take responsibility for finances. It's not like back home. Being self-worth is about your budget is one of the most important things that you can have. Some days you have what I call hamburger money, some days you have what I call steak money, and it's okay to have that self-awareness and know, 'Hey, this is what I can afford.'
14:31 'I can't afford to take the high-end vacations. I can't afford to pay my rent. I can't afford to pay for my food budget. I can't afford to pay for transportation.' But taking a vacation every quarter, I think that's going to be out of bounds for me right now. We all have different budgets, and none of us have unlimited budgets.
14:50 There's no shame in setting limits as to what you can afford, because there's a lot of people that do run out of money here. They bring the two-year millionaire mindset and try to use that over the course of two years. I've talked to friends who said, 'Yeah, I spent like 100 grand in two years. I came over thinking that 100K would last me four years.'
15:08 And I just lived high on the hog. We went here, we went there, we stayed in fancy hotels, we really lived it up far beyond my means. Few of us coming over here are Jeff Bezos or Warren Buffett, and those who are are going to keep it on the DL. Taking responsibility for finances is one of the top most important things to take responsibility about. You don't want to run out of money over here.
15:34 The last point here is that your mental and physical health are extremely important. Nobody can take responsibility for these besides yourself. It's stressful to move halfway around the world, there's no getting around it. And many of us are not coming here with a clean bill of health. We've got some physical ailments, we may have some mental health challenges.
15:54 Nobody's going to come along and try to sort these out for you. You have to take responsibility for these. Nobody's going to come along and treat you for these things. You've got to seek out healthcare providers, find out who's going to be able to help you to solve your problems, who's a professional, who's educated, who can steer you in the right direction.
16:11 Maybe you're prone to certain issues, and I've said in the past, 'No matter where you go, there you are.' Most of us coming here, we've got some baggage, and I think it's important to take responsibility for that baggage. Maybe you'd benefit from talk therapy. I know there are NA and AA meetings here in Dubai, for example.
16:27 I'm sure there are in most sizable cities around the world. If you're struggling with that situation, be proactive and reach out to the parent organization, reach out to the local chapters. 'Hey, where do you guys meet? What time do you meet?' And knowing that information ahead of time, you'll just be a lot better prepared.
16:43 A lot of what I'm talking about when it comes to taking responsibility is just being prepared, doing the legwork. I know Steve from Philippines Info Channel, he mentions a dry-erase board where you can track your preparation. But this is going to be one of your top priorities. You're probably leaving behind doctors that you know very well, doctors that you've worked with for a while.
17:01 Maybe you've got a certain pharmacy that knows you by name, recognizes your face. You probably took some time to build up a support structure. You may want to find new social groups that can help you to foster a sense of community where you don't feel as lonely and isolated.
17:17 I think it's important to learn how to be happy on your own, but also many expats benefit from being around other guys or gals that can relate to their background, to their situation. It can be isolating to be away from your home country. I have developed a deeper sense of empathy for immigrants to the United States who give up their hometown, their home city, being in close proximity to their friends and family, maybe their communities of faith.
17:39 Some of us give up a lot by moving to another country. I personally haven't felt like I've given...
17:44 Personally, I haven't felt like I've given up a lot. This is something that I've had to handle on my own for a long time. But you may be different from me. You may be in a position where you're not really sure what taking responsibility looks like.
17:53 If you come from a toxic family, it may be the case that nobody's taking responsibility and nobody's taught you how to take responsibility. But when you're on your own, halfway around the world, it rests on you. The foundation of success, in my opinion, rests on physical and mental well-being.
18:05 If you've got nagging injuries and you've got health insurance back home, maybe go and get those checked out. Get a second opinion. Is there some kind of physical therapy program where I'm headed that we can work on my knee issue or my shoulder issue? You're not just in the dark, you're not in pain.
18:22 You may have some kind of illness that's rare in the new country and maybe even rare among expats overall. My mental and physical health are way better over here. I have more time to dedicate to exercise. I am not stressed out getting yelled at at work all the time. I spend less money, my rent isn't so extreme, so I don't have the extraordinary financial pressure I had back home.
18:44 I'm very far away from toxic family, so they can't bother me either. I find it a lot easier to pursue these things here, but it's also a conscious effort because I'm not used to really taking care of myself back home. We sacrifice our health to pursue money, to pay bills, to stay afloat.
18:59 Here, the dynamic changes. The dynamic is different. You can focus on yourself, you can focus on your well-being, you can look out for your own needs. Healthcare services tend to be cheaper. I don't know as much about the mental health care side of things. If you have experience with mental health treatment overseas, let us know down in the comments below.
19:15 I find that people are also just more chill, more laid-back. I think something like 75 million American adults struggle with their mental well-being, so these topics are worth consideration. It's not easy to be in America these days unless you're a business owner or in the C-suite. You probably don't feel like you have enough money.
19:32 You may benefit from going overseas, but that comes with added responsibility that you may not be used to having. Back home, there's guard rails, there's subsidized housing, there's meal programs, there are transportation subsidies, all those things.
19:45 So anyway, let me know what you think down in the comments below. It always helps to generate interesting discussion. How will you take responsibility to live your best expat life? Do you have any tips for other viewers who maybe don't know what responsibility looks like?
20:00 Give us a thumbs up, it helps with the YouTube algorithm. Have you seen expats fail to take responsibility and suffer the consequences? Give us a thumbs up, it helps with the YouTube algorithm. And finally, subscribe to the channel down below if you want to see more content like this, and we'll see you soon.
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