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New expats in the Philippines should be aware of common mistakes related to dating, social interactions, practical navigation, financial decisions, and forming friendships to ensure a smoother transition and a more positive experience.
The video discusses common mistakes made by expats in the Philippines, starting with dating. The host, Alex, admits to misreading dating signals and investing too much time in women who weren't genuinely interested. He advises viewers to go on numerous first dates to get a better sense of compatibility and avoid potential heartbreak or wasted effort, emphasizing that genuine connections take time to build, much like friendships back home.
Further mistakes covered include forgetting names, which can be particularly hurtful in Filipino culture where names are cherished, and not downloading offline maps. The host stresses the importance of remembering names to foster better relationships and highlights how offline maps can prevent logistical nightmares, such as missing a ferry stop due to a lack of data. He also touches upon the financial pitfall of not comparing prices, urging viewers to shop around to avoid overpaying for convenience, especially in tourist-heavy areas or when dealing with vendors who may inflate prices for foreigners.
Finally, the video addresses the mistake of calling people friends too quickly. Alex explains that expat communities are often transient, and initial connections based on shared nationality or language don't always translate into lasting friendships. He advises caution, patience, and thorough vetting before forming close bonds, as people reveal their true character over time. The overall message is to be mindful of these common pitfalls to navigate life in the Philippines more effectively and avoid unnecessary difficulties.
Common expat mistakes in the Philippines include misjudging dating signals, forgetting people's names, and not having offline maps. Financial errors like not comparing prices and rushing into friendships are also frequently made.
When dating in the Philippines, it's advised to go on many first dates rather than heavily investing in one person too soon. This approach helps you gauge compatibility realistically and avoid potential disappointment or wasted time.
Remembering names is crucial in Filipino culture as it shows respect and helps build stronger relationships, especially in smaller communities. Forgetting names can be perceived as disrespectful and hinder your social integration.
To navigate the Philippines more easily, download offline maps before traveling to areas with spotty data service. This prevents you from getting lost or missing important destinations like ferry terminals.
Expats can avoid financial mistakes by comparing prices for goods and services, particularly for larger purchases or regular shopping. This helps ensure you're not overpaying due to convenience or being perceived as a tourist.
Making genuine friends as an expat in the Philippines takes time and caution. Avoid calling people 'friends' too quickly, as expat communities can be transient and it takes time to discern authentic connections from superficial acquaintances.
Yes, downloading offline maps is highly recommended to prevent logistical issues. The video highlights how a lack of data can lead to problems like missing ferry stops. Having offline maps ensures you can navigate effectively even with unreliable data service.
The video advises comparing prices for goods and services to avoid overpaying. This is particularly important in tourist areas or when dealing with vendors who might inflate prices for foreigners. Shopping around helps ensure you get fair value.
It's advisable to be cautious about calling people friends too quickly, especially in expat communities which can be transient. Initial connections based on shared nationality or language may not always lead to lasting friendships. It takes time to discern genuine connections from superficial ones.
0:01 Hey YouTube, Alex here. And in today's video, I want to answer the question: What are my biggest mistakes in the Philippines thus far? Naturally, no expat's life or journey is perfect. We're all coming here with our own set of circumstances and ways of thinking, some of which may be outdated. I wanted to get into my mistakes so far, and I'm probably going to make more mistakes in the future.
0:23 The first mistake I've made here has been not reading between the lines when dating. At this point, I have a very modest budget and I'm still exploring. I'm still getting to know the culture, I'm still figuring out what's out there. I have made some mistakes in dating and not understanding she's really just not that interested in me. It's not a boundaries thing; I respect that. But certain women, you know, I'll chat and reach out to them and message them, and they play hot and cold. That's been a common thing for me here where some days they're interested, some days they're not interested.
0:56 There are red flags in dating. We all have our own things that we perceive to be red flags. For some guys, that may be asking for money before you've ever met them. For other guys, it may be cutting off the supply of attention if the money doesn't show up. For me, I understand some red flags; I don't understand all the red flags out there. There are many different red flags when it comes to dating. You should research these before you come to the Philippines. There are a lot of great videos out there on dating, but be mindful of these, be aware of these.
1:26 Accept that you're not too smart for any one of these issues to be a problem for you. We all have different weaknesses or different hang-ups or different things where our perception may be off or maybe inaccurate. And I'm not above this. I'm not some dating genius; I'm not some Maverick when it comes to dating. I made dating mistakes here and sunk too much time into what I thought was a potential relationship, dreaming and hoping that this beautiful Filipina would reciprocate, would be interested in me. I would have been better off going on more first dates.
1:59 So, this is where the solution to this I would suggest for you to avoid my mistake: go on tons of first dates. Now, I know immediately, you're going to get the response, 'Oh, you're a chick boy.' No, no, no, no. I'm not saying pursue tons of casual fun. I'm saying take a bunch of different women out to coffee, take a bunch of different women out to dinner, go out with a lot of different people. Don't just assume the first woman I meet is going to be the one for me. Don't even assume the second woman that you meet is going to be the one for you.
2:27 I've even said, 'I'm not going to make this mistake.' I'm not going to make that mistake, and then I proceeded to make that mistake. I'm not above it. Us guys, we are not always thinking clearly when we meet a gorgeous woman. And I argue that 80% of the women here are gorgeous. So think through things, read between the lines, really do your best to assess: Is she interested in me, or is she interested in something else entirely? Is she interested in somebody else entirely?
2:54 People are fallible. Humans make mistakes, and it's very valuable to accept reality, to not project your feelings onto them, to think, 'Well, I like her, so she must like me.' Not always the case, guys. The beautiful thing about dating here, there are a lot of wonderful single women, and you're not going to run out of potential partners. It's a fantastic place for dating if dating is a top priority.
3:20 You might even consider looking at the bigger cities in the Philippines. I think you're just going to have the law of numbers there, where there's just going to be a lot more single people in general, and you can go on a lot more dates. You can meet a lot of different people. You can meet people from all over the country too. Like I found Cebu and Manila are full of Filipinas from all over the country who move there for work, education, different purposes. And if you're in a smaller town, especially one with a lot of foreigners, you're just not going to stand out. You're not going to be that spectacular here in Daggett compared to being in a different city entirely or a bigger city where there's just more people.
3:54 And those cities will offer a lot more variety in terms of people with different kinds of life experiences. You may be in a certain industry, looking for somebody else that also works in that industry. There's a lot of factors that you could change up to kind of counteract this mistake that I've made.
4:11 The next mistake that I've made here in the Philippines is forgetting names. And this is a big one. Filipinos and Filipinas have often very sing-songy kind of names, very beautiful names. You see 'Lynn' a lot, you see the 'Share.' They like their names; their parents really pick their names out well. They differentiate themselves from the world around them through their names. I found they're also very good at remembering faces, recognizing faces. And so it does seem to hurt people's feelings here when I forget their names.
4:43 You could say it's a worldwide thing, but even more so the case here where when I met somebody and I go to meet them at a later date and I can't remember their name. Another way you can get in trouble here is if you've been going on a lot of dates lately and you misname the woman. You're going on a date with her, her name's Lisa, and you call her Joanne. That's an awkward situation. I've caught myself before I did it, fortunately. I did not get a nasty look or vocalized frustration, and I would have deserved it.
5:14 Let's be honest here, you can't remember somebody's name that you're on a date with. Maybe you're going on too many dates. But yeah, that's something to think about. Like if you are going on a lot of dates and you're meeting a lot more people than you'd ever meet back home. Like back home, it's rare for me to meet people. If you go out, people are kind of guarded in the United States. They're not very trusting; they don't really want to meet people or talk to people. Even in sales, there's just a finite amount of people I'm going to meet and interact with.
5:39 And if I'm meeting somebody in the context of work, I'm meeting them to make money, not because I have a personal interest. I think everybody does have an agenda; you just have to figure out what it is. But this is one of those places where I've made mistakes of forgetting people's names, almost calling somebody by the wrong name. And I don't know if it's just creating a system. If you have a system for remembering names, drop it in the comments below. I've heard one trick is to spell their name when you meet them.
6:06 But yeah, I'm already thinking of faces of people I remember where I don't remember their name, and I'm thinking, 'Ah, this is going to be an awkward conversation next time I see them.' Because Daggett is a small town, and I inevitably run into people again and again and again. And I'm not looking forward to, 'Oh, and what was your name?' Oh man. So yeah, avoid the embarrassment if you can. Try to remember people's names. Come up with a system to remember names to get acquainted with people, to build on those relationships.
6:38 People do appreciate it anywhere you go in the world when you remember their name, and they feel like your interaction meant something to you, and that you consider them a valuable person in your mind. So even if they're not somebody that maybe you think you'll see all the time, things might change. You might start seeing them more often. I try to remember people's names. I try to get people's names down, especially if I know I'm going to see them on a regular basis.
7:04 The vloggers are easy. I've been watching these Daggett vloggers for years; I remember all their names. I've watched countless videos by them. But when it comes to the non-vloggers or the people that you just interact with, like people at restaurants, hotels, gyms, different kinds of establishments, try to get their name down. It'll make them feel good; it'll make you feel good. It will reduce awkward situations, and it's all around just a nice thing. Makes people feel special, makes you feel like you're integrating and you're becoming a greater part of the community, that you're not just here on vacation. It's something that I regret not getting better at. It's something I do work on. It is a mistake that I've made here.
7:41 The next mistake I've made here is not downloading maps. So, Google Maps has a feature where you can download the map for offline use. I recommend this for everybody. It's helped me in a number of different situations here in Dumaguete when we had a brownout, when I ran out of data and needed to go get more load.
7:58 But most importantly, I was on a vacation a couple of weeks ago with a friend in Cebu Island, not Cebu City, right? And I'm coming back to Dumaguete on the bus. So it just so happens my signal dropped out when we were approaching where I needed to get on the ferry to come back to the Dumaguete area. We passed it. I'm sitting there looking at my phone. If I had downloaded the map, I would have been able to flag the driver down because it would have continued to update in real-time, and I wouldn't have missed that quicker stop-off en route back to Daggett. It cost me an additional at least hour, hour and a half. Not the end of the world, but if you have a certain obligation, like a special obligation, an appointment, something that you can't afford to miss, then downloading maps will eliminate that problem.
8:47 I was ready to get back, sleep in my own bed. I was pretty tired. It was a wonderful getaway, but I like my creature comforts here in Dumaguete. And so having that map downloaded, I have a map downloaded for offline use of Dumaguete City, but I didn't think ahead of time, 'Hey, I should download one of Cebu Island.' That way, when we go up there and we part ways for me to come back down to the city, then I don't have to think about it. I don't have to hope that we have consistent, I don't have to hope for consistent data access, which it's generally good here in the Philippines.
9:16 Generally, it's good here in the Philippines. It's come a long way since five years ago, but there are days of inclement weather. There are times where it's a little bit iffy. Those times you could avoid with downloading maps for offline usage on Google. It is free to do this; I haven't paid a dime for the service. It's not sponsored here, but Google has a lot of great services like YouTube, and they also have great services like Google Maps. My preference is Google Maps as far as map services, and this Google Maps is also great for navigating cities.
9:44 If you're a newcomer here to the Philippines and you go to Cebu City, Manila, or Dumaguete, and you don't have data for whatever reason, maybe you're fresh off the plane, maybe your data plan expired, or you bought a different plan than the one you thought you wanted, having those offline maps will help you a lot. It can help you figure out where your hotel is, or where a certain restaurant is. Maybe you want to go check out the coffee shops you've heard about here in Dumaguete, or go down to one of the malls. Having the offline map will save you so many hassles, so many headaches. I can't recommend it enough.
10:25 There's so much convenience to be found there. Maybe you download that offline map, get to Dumaguete, and you're trying to find a place where you could buy a SIM card. Without even having bought a data package yet, you can route to the data service provider, pop that SIM card in, and now you've got data. You don't have to worry about it. Having those digital services here will make your travels, your life, so much easier. It's something I can't recommend enough.
10:51 Shout out to my channel member and friend Eric, who suggested this tip to me. I'm grateful for these kinds of services; they're really good for newcomers and will help you navigate effectively. I think this is even more so the case if you go to a big city like Manila or Cebu. These are huge cities. For example, while your driver, if you hire a Grab driver or a taxi driver, they're going to know their way around the city most likely. But if you're a newcomer, you don't quite know your way around.
11:20 I feel very safe here in the Philippines, but if you are not accustomed to traveling overseas like I am, having these map services will really help you out. Like I said, there's no charge; you don't have to worry about paying a subscription fee or anything like that. Just download them and have the extra space in your phone for these downloads. You can download them on computers as well, so you might want to have one on your laptop for backup in case your phone runs out of battery. If you can't charge it, maybe you've got your laptop charged up, and it's able to get you to where you need to go. It's just an extra layer of comfort when you're navigating some of these really big cities in the Philippines.
11:54 Especially because it just takes some time to learn them and learn your way around, and to get the lay of the land. After a while, you'll be comfortable; you'll learn your way around town. I know Dumaguete like the back of my hand now. You could probably put me on most any street in the city, and I'd be able to find my way to where I needed to go, but it's taking me some time to get there. I'm sure you'll get there too eventually, but until you do, downloadable maps are fantastic.
12:18 The next mistake I made in the Philippines is not comparing prices when I first got here. Like we all do when we go somewhere new, I didn't know what the prices were, so I would just shop at where I thought was convenient. There's nothing wrong with that when you first get to a place; you're jet-lagged, you're overwhelmed, you're trying to figure out how to exchange money. All these little details are tricky and confusing things that you know how to do back in your home country without thinking about it, but here it's going to take a different step-by-step process. So, I would always opt for the convenient yet expensive solution anytime I needed to make a purchase.
12:50 That's fine when you first get here. I don't blame people for wanting to just solve the problem, but these purchases can really add up over time. There are certain products that are identical regardless of where you buy them, but you're going to pay extra for purchasing them at certain locations over others. This goes for throughout the country. You probably remember back in your home country buying popcorn at the movie theater and paying $37 for a bucket of popcorn, and yet that same popcorn at Walmart would cost $75. You will pay for convenience anywhere in the world.
13:29 It's definitely worth it when you first get here, but over time, these purchases can really add up. If you are on a modest budget, or if you're budget-conscious, it's worth shopping around. It's worth asking longtime expats, 'Hey, where do you shop for this? Where do you shop for that?' A common thing I hear about is that when an expat wants to get groceries, they send their girlfriend out. They actually hand her the money and send her to the market because if she's seen with him, the prices are going to go up. They're going to think, 'Wow, she's with a wealthy foreigner; she can pay extra.'
14:00 I've heard of situations where the guy sends the girlfriend out to make a purchase, and then when he shows up to review, all of a sudden the price goes up 20%. I'll never fault the business for trying to make a dollar; that's the purpose of having any business. And for the high rollers, they don't care. Some of you guys, I'm sure you're doing very well for yourselves and you don't worry about it. You don't think about it; you've got a pension that's going to come in regardless of what happens, and you're financially set.
14:23 But for the guys who are younger and have a bit more time on their hands, who may be a bit more budget-conscious, wanting to stretch their dollar out, look for those places that the long-term residents shop at. You're going to find more modest pricing, and you're going to be happy with those savings. This was something that I kind of rushed into in some countries, not the Philippines. I've lived in hotels, and I looked back and I kicked myself, 'Man, if you just rented an apartment, you would have either saved money or at least had a bigger place.'
14:50 If you hadn't booked online but actually tried to find a place through word of mouth, you would have found a cheaper price. There are so many different ways to do price comparison when you're not in a rush, when you're thinking long-term, you're not just in vacation mode. Then it's very valuable to invest the time to figure out where can I purchase this, what's it going to cost me, are there multiple locations I can purchase it at, what's the most convenient place to purchase this, what's the least convenient place to purchase this? Am I going to spend an hour to save 10 pesos? Absolutely not.
15:17 If I've got to get one or two things, I'm not going to the most budget-friendly place in town that may be on the other side of town, that may cost me more in transport to get there and back than I would be saving. But if I'm doing a big trip, if I'm buying something expensive, it might be worth shopping around for that item. It might be worth going on Facebook Marketplace and seeing what are the different options for this item. It might be worth it if I'm stocking up on a certain product.
15:48 Okay, well, it costs about this here and about this there. Maybe even asking an expat friend, send him a message on a social media platform of your choice, 'Hey, I've got to make this big purchase, what do you suggest?' Or, 'Hey, I've got to do this, what do you suggest?' They're going to know if they've been in a place for a long enough time. I have good friends that I bounce questions off of all the time. There hasn't been a single time they didn't know the answer. Plenty of frequently asked questions relate to money. I guarantee you, if you're trying to buy it, you know somebody else that's had to buy it in the past and can provide insight there for you.
16:20 One of the tips here I would say is if you go to a place and you only see expats shopping there, be prepared to pay a premium for that. If you only see well-heeled locals shopping there, be prepared to pay a premium at that location. Same goes for dining, same goes for accommodation. If you go to a place and you see they've got tons of people shopping there, lots and lots and lots of people shopping there, expect that you're not the only person that recognizes a bargain when you see one. People are going there because it's a budget-friendly option where they can get the most for their money in town.
16:48 I have some places where I like to go clothing shopping that are very comparable to like an RW&Co. or a Structure For Less or a TJ Maxx back in the US. There are so many different ways to stretch your money. Biggest mistake I made was assuming, especially my first month or two when I got here, that I should just go for the easy option. That's fine when you're on vacation and you're trying to save time and you want to knock out a bunch of things in a short amount of time.
17:14 But if you've got a little bit more time on your hands, I think it really pays off to shop around and to get to know the different options. If you're enjoying this video, by the way, please subscribe to the channel down below. It will help you to continue to see my videos moving forward. Only around 23% of my audience is subscribed to the channel, so yeah, that would really help for you to see these videos.
17:36 The fifth and final mistake that I made here in the Philippines is that I called somebody a friend too quickly. Now, you can run into this in any expat destination. You're inevitably going to meet other foreigners. I've had this experience in Latin America, other parts of Southeast Asia. It's just going to happen, and you may have not had as many friends back home, just because of being...
17:57 Friends back home just because of being busy. I mean, I moved around a lot. There are a lot of different reasons as to why we come to these expat destinations with limited social connections. I'm not going to say zero, I definitely have friends back home, but you move halfway across the country, you don't get to see people as often. You drift apart and you may be feeling a little bit lonely.
18:16 I really want to go and meet people. When you come to the Philippines, especially, you can presume the majority of foreigners speak English. They're able to communicate effectively, they can talk to you, they can relate to you, and have shared experiences of working in the US or working in Australia, Canada.
18:33 You might be thinking, "Wow, we're friends very quickly." As Mike of Mike's Philippine Retirement says, the friendships that you have back home took you decades to build up. I can speak for my friends, most of my friends I've known for 10 years or longer, or close to 10 years. Other friends of mine I've been friends with for 20 years.
18:51 The idea that I'm going to step off the plane and meet somebody from Montana or Louisiana and we're going to instantly connect and it's going to be like we're old friends? No, no, no. Back in your home country, you've had a lot of time to filter out bad people, people you don't get along with, people who are not looking out for your best interests.
19:10 There can be this tendency, "Oh man, I finally met somebody else from the United States or Canada, wherever you're from, and that you could be friends with that person or those people very quickly." I think that's a mistake. Of the people that you meet, of the expats that you meet, maybe half or less will be long-term friends of yours. And of those long-term friends, half of those will probably just remain Facebook friends.
19:31 The first thing is that these places are transient. People come and go all the time. Every day, planes land here in Dumaguete. Every day, planes take off from here in Dumaguete. And every day, expats are coming in both directions. Some people, they come thinking it's going to be a lifetime move, they get tired of it after a month, they go somewhere else in the country.
19:49 Others find, "Hey, you know what? I want to go to Latin America. I want to go to Europe." Some of it is not even that things go south or something bad happens, it just happens. You're going in two different directions in life. Some of it is shared values. Sometimes you just find out you have a certain set of values, the other person has a different set of values.
20:04 You find out something about somebody that makes you not want to be friends with them. They may have a rap sheet, they may be running from some kind of major disqualifying issue they tried to keep hidden. There could be any number of reasons as to why a friendship doesn't work out.
20:19 I find that what I have in expat hotspots is a ton of acquaintances and typically very few friends. I could probably count my real friends here on like one hand. You want to be friendly, you want to be friends with other people. It takes you a long time to suss out who you can and can't trust. People reveal their true character over time.
20:35 Somebody that's really nice for a week, and this goes for romantic relationships as well. A month later, you find out, "Wow, I really don't like to be around that person." They exhibit some behaviors that they were keeping on the down low. They were on their best behavior, they can't keep the mask on anymore. They've got this tendency to be toxic, and they're really good at initial impressions.
20:57 But after the initial impressions wear off, they really aren't the person that I thought they were. So that's a mistake that I've made, is being too quick to call people friends. Be cautious, be more guarded, take your time getting to know people. Don't share all of your personal information. Don't tell them, "Oh, I live in this neighborhood and I eat at this restaurant. I'm here every week at this time."
21:18 You don't know their backstory, you don't know what their nature is like right off the bat. Within a week or two, they might be giving you a fake name, right? I mean, they could be giving you all kinds of details that are total lies. You're probably not going to have the time to research these people.
21:31 I mean, most of us when we meet somebody new, we don't go home and put them into a background checker. We don't necessarily ask around town, "Hey, did you meet this person? What do you think about them?" Toxic people that are self-aware, they know their behavior is problematic and rather than trying to improve it or to heal, they try to get better at hiding it. And some get very, very good at hiding it over the course of their lifetime.
21:56 I'm not suggesting you can't have friends here. I found some great friends here, people that will be lifelong friends to me. But take your time, don't rush into it. Don't assume that just because you're from the same country or you work in the same industry or you speak the same language that somebody's going to automatically be your friend.
22:12 Fortunately, I haven't suffered that much based on this mistake, but I could have saved time for people I get along with better. Time that could have been spent doing other things. Thank you so much for watching. Let me know what you think down in the comments below. What are some of the mistakes you've made in your expat journey, your life overseas? It always helps to generate great, interesting discussion.
22:29 Next, give us a thumbs up, it helps with the YouTube algorithm. And finally, subscribe to the channel down below if you want to see more content like this. And we'll see you soon. Bye-bye.
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