hey YouTube Alex here in today's video I want to answer the question why do expats treat each other badly now this is by no means Universal but I've noticed this recurring theme in a number of countries that I've
lived in where foreigners will feel entitled to treat each other badly for numerous reasons they know they can't get away with treating local people badly but they feel comfortable when it's one of their fellow Western people to be
inconsiderate to be rude I'm going to talk a bit about some of my experiences here and give some background as to what you may need to prepare for depending on where you go depending on the local community I
think it's better in some places than others you may run into one or more of these issues Point number one is that many of us do have issues we didn't come over here coming from the perfect background most
of us have some issues we've got emotional baggage we may have personality disorders we may have mental well-being issues and there's a lot of this going on in the modern world for various reasons but now the difference being
in the modern world that we have names that we can attach to some of these issues but a lot of us do come with issues we come from toxic family situations and we have these bad habits that we've
learned that we haven't been able to overcome some of us just have the habit of treating other people badly in general and it's not personal it's not based on somebody's ethnicity or socioeconomic status or language or culture but
rather some of us just treat every body badly we are equal opportunity haters as I like to put it I'll never forget the incident that I experienced in a gym in changai where one guy starts yelling at another
guy about the piece of equipment that he wanted to use and I thought man this guy doesn't know how to behave in public that's not something that warrant getting upset and getting into this shouting match and I got
the sense that the guy that he was shouting at could not speak English so he's ranting and raving and the guy just looks confused I'm sure this is isn't the first time that kind of situation has happened I'm
sure this isn't the first time that guy has lost his cool for whatever reason he had some issue back at his home country and he's brought that baggage with him so some aats are going to treat each other
badly because they've got some issue going on upstairs they're not able to resolve that before they come over and this leads into my next Point most of these guys seem to know that they can't talk that way or
treat a local person that way for whatever reason they have it in their head that it's accept able to treat a foreigner that way now I think a lot of them recognize hey if I treat a local person
that way there could be really real long-term implications for example here in the Philippines if you disrespect or mistreat an immigration officer in any way they could revoke your application for extension they could just tell you look we're
not going to approve it and for good reason some of these expats that are Bad actors they know inherently that if they mistreat somebody here that's a local person that that person's brother or sister-in-law or cousin may work
at immigration right they may say hey this guy was really disrespectful in the restaurant or this guy had too many Beverages and became belligerent so there's this sense of okay well I have to be respectful or considerate to
the local people but now this Foreigner he's in a much more vulnerable position it's unlikely he's got any relatives here it's unlikely that he knows somebody on a personal level that works in Immigration and has any say over
whether or not I can get my extension they look at other foreigners as Open Season some of the things that I've heard oh why do you buy cheap clothes would they say that to a Filipino person I don't
think they would say that to a Filipino person I think they understand the potential implications of that some expats have this strong ingroup outgroup kind of bias and the ingroup consists of them and their Filipino partner and the
outg group consists of all of the foreigners that I don't know don't kiss their behind I'm not exactly sure how I'd put it you are going to run into foreigners that they're toxic they inherently know there's consequences to
mistreating a local person but that you're Open Season that you may be experiencing financial hardship you may not be able to afford to go back to your home country you may be dealing with your own mental health challenges
or struggles and they feel like your Open Season because oh well he doesn't know anybody he may not be able to afford a lawyer to come after me so I can say all these nasty things to him get
away with it in a way that if I were to try to say those same things to a local person then there may be some serious consequences number three is that they think a fellow Western person will engage
they have the sense that well Filipino people are generally conflict avoidant that they generally don't want to make trouble they don't want to give a hard time they just want to go with the flow and relax if a
person who's obviously not a Filipino starts overreacting getting angry frustrated they're going to try to deescalate they're going to try to handle the situation in a calm manner but for some of these toxic people that ain't good enough
they ain't going to cut it they want somebody to engage in the argument they want somebody to take it to the next level with a Filipino person they're not going to give him what he wants they're not going
to be at his throat they're not going to take it up a notch they're not going to overreact they're not going to flip out not to say they are pushovers I'm not saying that at all that's a totally
different topic but for the purposes of this video they know a Filipino person is not going to get in a screaming and a shouting match with them it's very unlikely for that to happen I haven't seen it personally
not saying it doesn't happen but I think it's very unlikely but they see a western person and they know oh he's from the west where people scream and shout at each other all the time where there are road
rage problems where people love to argue people love to have conflict in the west it's like a Pastime I've had Western People described it as we're all we're just talking we're just having a fun conversation when they're not
really looking for a fun conversation they're looking to battle it out they're looking to compete for dominance a lot of these people have social problems they're unable to communicate effectively in such a way that moves things forward maybe
they don't have the money or skills to engage in higher quality forms of entertainment like going to the movies playing golf going swimming and that's how they entertain themselves is they go and they pick arguments with other people
maybe they did that a lot in their previous job maybe in their previous job they were in a role where they had to be sort of combative with other people they know the Filipino is not going to indulge
them and so they see a foreigner and their eyes light up oh wow I bet he's going to have an argument with me I bet he's going to entertain these delusions you see it here with people getting way
amped up about politics it's like if I wanted to argue with other Americans I wouldn't come Halfway Around the World to do that I'd go back to America if I wanted to argue with other Americans people would do
it for free over there they don't even care how much time it's costing them here I'm enjoying my time I want to use my time to enjoy life and to not argue with other Americans or Western people in
general but often it's the Americans that are particularly argumentative in my experience some expats are users back home and they use up the Goodwill of whatever location they're in and then they move on to the next location so
maybe they live in New York they use a bunch of people they take advantage of a bunch of people then once they burn their Bridges they become known as the user oh now they're moving off to LA or
they're moving down to Miami that same principle applies here to the expat world I've noticed that in some expad hotspots where a guy will come to town he'll use up the Goodwill of other people he may ask people
to cover his lunch he'll get him next time maybe he borrows some money from this guy or that guy all of a sudden he's got a business for sale that he never intends to deliver and then by the
time the ruse is up the scam is up he's left for another area nobody knows where he is nobody knows where he went maybe he was using a fake name you do see these guys that are users that
in his case he couldn't really get over on a Filipino person but he can get over on other expats Filipino people have their own struggles but a lot of expats here they're retired they've got their social security they've
got some safety nets maybe they have some Investments and maybe they have a little bit too much time in their hands and some of them want to be generous and helpful and nice and kind and some of these
toxic people they can pick up on that they can pick up on that generosity that kindness that like they say no good deed goes unpunished and some of these guys they just have a radar for that they figure
out who they can use to build themselves up who they can step on to rise up and once they get what they want they're moving on to the next person they totally forget about the person that helped them
to get to the next level and they're looking for their next victim so be mindful of users just because somebody appears to be super friendly super nice appearing to want to be nice friendly kind doesn't mean they have
your interests in mind expats can be just as good or bad as the general population I think some communities are better than others or more you could say pro-social than others but just because somebody comes in and they're
super nice they may be love bombing you they may be trying to sway public opinion in a positive way be mindful everybody's an individual some people have ulterior motives some people are coming to take these expat hotspots do
attract a lot of takers they attract some givers as well they can't attract people who are looking to take as opposed to people who are looking to contribute and to give we often hear the phrase loser back home
but we don't as often hear the phrase user back home I much more often hear about expats getting into conflict with other expats than I do expats getting into conflict with Filipinos you definitely hear about this online they
perceive that the only consequences to arguing with another expat is a verbal confrontation and not potentially life-altering consequences like could be the case if their B6 extension is denied and that sort of thing if you find an expat
as toxic don't indulge them let them argue with somebody else I'm sure somebody will take them up on that some people are just conflict driven people they don't pick up on social cues very well they don't have the
intellectual capacity to have a meaningful interesting conversation in a civilized manner but they still want the attention they still want the sense oh somebody's paying attention to me I'm not being ignored because I'm a and so watch out
for these guys that are desperate for attention they know that back in their home country there are nobody they can't get the attention they're looking for or but over here their increased purchasing power entails that they can get
more attention but for some people that are toxic no amount of attention is sufficient they have a never-ending well that cannot be filled up and when they can't get that conflict attention that negative attention from a local person
because the local person doesn't really get it doesn't really participate in those Dynamics then they're going to try to find another expat they may pull a contrarian attitude where they're not really looking to understand what you're saying they're
going to try to pick it apart you're better off avoiding these people and you should be mindful that they're out there and do your best to disengage don't get close to People Too Quickly be cautious be mindful there
are a lot of toxic people in xat communities you'll never hear me come on here and say all expats are our friends we should hang out with everybody I believe you should be polite or respectful to everybody but
beyond General pleasantries you don't know these people anything you don't know a fellow American no some American expats are morons I'm not of the opinion that oh just because somebody's an American I'm going to be friends with them
no some Americans are toxic people like you could have toxic people anywhere in the world but I think that it's the majority no I don't think it's the majority but it's not a zero equivalent number that are toxic
and you need to be willing to set boundaries with these people and find your tribe by also finding who's not not in your tribe who's not in your group yeah I mean one group I think is nice is
positive expats in the Philippines on Facebook I don't organizer schedule meetups from that group but I like the rules of that group where they don't allow this complaining I live in the Philippines cuz I generally like it here
I like the Filipino people and I get along with them but the toxic xats tend to be loud they tend to be more Brash they tend to be addicted to their egos and they tend to put themselves out
there more so if you have somebody that's coming up to you you be cautious and mindful of guys who are too friendly who are trying to draw you in who act like they've known you a long time when
you just met them a few minutes ago be careful some of these toxic guys are good and getting better at pushing their toxicity if you were raised in a narcissistic home like I was you may have been trained
to be a people pleaser and to not spot these issues in other people but keep an eye out for them like I said most of the guys probably 80% of the guys I meet I get along with well
there is a nonzero number of guys out there that I don't want to associate with I don't want to hang out with I don't want to be around and it will be helpful for you to approach expats with
some sense of Doubt is what they're telling me really true are they too guarded do they dance around fairly generic questions are they unwilling to express vulnerability maybe they're harmless right but maybe they're not maybe they're hiding something
that you need to be mindful of that you need to be aware of to protect yourself to look out for your own wellbeing to look out for the well-being of your partner maybe their children or the children you
have together there are a lot of sick people in this world and some of them come with a smile keep in mind that your right to be here is not contingent upon the opinion of some American expat but
rather the Goodwill of the Filipino people the next point is cultural context I think that when expats are interacting with the Filipinos they have some of that Filipino Hospitality or kindness rub off on them and they behave right
they learn how to behave in the non-confrontational way and they're more kind and they're more considerate but when they're dealing with other foreigners they default to what they're used to this rude American attitude this rude this condescension this
disrespect this lack of Civility and decency or that we see in other Western democracies that we see to a lesser extent they don't act with class like a lot of the Filipinos do the next point is that familiarity
breeds contempt so a lot of foreigners find the Philippines mysterious they find the Filipino people to be kind of mysterious many may have never interacted with Filipinos in the west they only know Filipino people through the context of
service whether it be in a hotel tourism a restaurant and so the only interactions they have with Filipinos are ones in which the filipin person is providing a service to them in exchange for money they don't think about
the fact that Filipinos are people like anyone else and have their own struggles their own challenges nobody's life is perfect they have more familiarity with the Western person they probably worked with plenty of Western people in the US
or Australia they believe they know how the Western person thinks or operates they know what they don't like about Western people I think some of it is also competition like they know the Western person can compete with them
for attention compete with them for resources I think some of that is some guys want to be the only Foreigner in town which is ridiculous in a city like Dumaguete where there are 5,000 foreigners in town and more
showing up every day you're not going to stick out as a foreigner here you're not going to get some special treatment as a foreigner here foreigners are a dime a dozen here they're not that special especially xats are
not that special Here Local people are often experienced enough with xats that they know somewhat what they're getting when it comes to an exp living here there's nothing you're going to tell a local person that's going to be
a total shock to them many have some level of familiarity especially those that have worked a lot with foreigners in a business you're not going to get a double take when you meet a Filipino person here they're not
going to think oh wow a forigner doag Getti I never would have guessed so I think some forers get a little frustrated or a little jaded when they come here expecting a certain level of treatment and it just
doesn't materialize but they can't take it out on the Filipino people but they do feel like they could take it out on other foreigners like they almost operate like if you guys weren't here I would be treated like
royalty but because you other foreigners are here then I don't stick out as much that's at least what I think is the line of thinking let me know what you think down in the comments below if you agree
with that sentiment or you disagree with that sentiment the next point is diverse backgrounds a lot of people think oh all Americans are the same and that's not the case the United States is a country with several different
Mega regions and each of those regions has unique local culture atmosphere attitudes different from the rest I find that I relate best to other people who have lived in California I'm not from California but I work there for
a while and so I just have those shared experiences we've been to the same places we've eaten the same food we've experienced some of the same nature and we can relate on some level culturally where you've got some
guys who are from the south who they meet a guy from New York and they think the guy might as well be an alien and they have some presumptions oh people like New Yorker like this or people from
or people from Texas are like that and they have these preconceived notions and very different life experiences and so that's where they could treat each other badly is they take one look at the guy from New York and
they think oh he thinks he's so high and mighty they don't even give the guy a chance they don't even let the guy speak and talk about his life experiences before they make a presumption in some cases now
in other cases they're open-minded they'll open their minds they'll open their ears they'll listen to what the guy has to say they give him a chance they realize wow I have more common with him than I thought but
some xats make presumptions based on Regional differences back in the United States as to whether or not they'll get along with somebody over here it's an effort to save cognitive function we're not I often say we're not sting
our best which is a whole another discussion but yeah you have some Regional differences and that doesn't even get into people from other countries people from other parts of the world entirely I have friends here from all over
the world and I get along great with them but I think I'm rare and that I'm open-minded to people from other countries or other cultures and even then I'm guilty of preferring people at times from other countries in
the United States some of my closest friends are from other parts of the world besides the United States and I feel that I could relate to them better than I can to my fellow Americans that live here the
next point is Judgment I find a lot of guys judge each other based on their reasoning for here I came here because I came here because I hired a virtual assistant here but a lot of guys come here
for dating and I find that I find that their dating process gets judged a lot the xat will treat another xat badly based on their feelings about how that expat met their significant tether oh you met your girlfriend
online ooh you met your girlfriend the second you got off the airplane ooh it feels good to judge at first and then you feel lonely and isolated cuz you keep separating yourself from other people based on these arbitrary
distinctions I'm not saying don't make good decisions I'm saying it isolates and hurts you when you are passing judgment on other people who have their own reasons for coming here and like I said dating is a big one
budget budget is another big one some guys operate on the premise that anybody with less money than them is broke as a joke and anyone with more money than them thinks they are a hot shot it's the ageold
anybody that drives slower than me is a and anybody that drives faster than me is a maniac in summary I find that dating and also budget are the two big ways in which guys judge each other and size
each other up and establish the value that they associate or attach to another expat the next point is a sense of ownership some expats feel that they own the Philippines somehow that it's their right to be here more
than the right of other people or newcomers I sense resentment between expats for many different reasons I can't get into all of them in this video it just be too long I could go on for days about that
subject but a sense of ownership is a big one where they think well I got here 10 years ago I see this with my vlogger friends where people tell them oh you guys have been here for 3 years
I've been here for 15 okay well don't you want updated information most people want up to-date information they don't look for what did it cost what was rent 20 years ago what was the price of a home 70
years ago that information is irrelevant Beyond just learning about history people want to know about information that's relevant today what is my experience going to be like today not next year not 10 years from now not 5 years
ago what is it like today but if they feel that they own it they also don't want people getting information and coming here I hear sometimes from people these bloggers have ruined dumag Getti nonsense dumag Getti has been
popular for a very long time the original media that popularized dumag Getti was the Forbes article directed at retirees it wasn't vloggers if anything blame Forbes that's a whole different discussion I think there's plenty of room here in
dagate for foreigners and for expats for retirees I don't believe I own this people say oh you're talking about dag Getti you've only been here a short time I could talk about what I see I have senses I
have eyes I have a nose I have years I could document my experience I don't have to live here for 10 years before I can comment on it but some of these people are very possessive they act like
only their experience is legitimate which couldn't be further from the truth everybody has different experiences here different takes on life here and different feelings about the pluses and minuses of being here in summary some of these guys act
like territorial dogs ridiculous all of us are guests here in the Philippines unless you're a Filipino person then you are a guest in this country you here based on the Goodwill of the people you can't even own land
so I don't know where they get it in their heads that they have some kind of dominion here but that's a whole other can of worms this last one I'm probably guilty of and that's the online and offline
divide I know some people probably think I come across a bit negative in my videos and in person I'm a lot more pleasant so I have a lot of friends here in do mate I get along with people
I just have to cover heavy topics at the moment but I'm generally pretty upbeat here is every a perfect no it's not I think some people do get frustrated that I'm trying to find the truth let me know
what you think down in the comments do any of these ring true for you have you found any these to not be the case maybe I'm talking about doag Getti specific things that don't apply in your area or
your country additionally give us a thumbs up it helps with the YouTube algorithm and finally if you enjoy this content you want to see more content like it please subscribe to the channel down below and we'll see you
soon and we'll see you soon bye-bye
