The Types of Expats I Try to Avoid

Hey YouTube, Alex here and in today's video I want to talk about the five types of expats or people in general that I try to stay away from.

And these are really just five traits of types of people that I've encountered over the years both here in the US but also overseas and expat communities.

And this is not a definitive list as far as like all-encompassing, but there's probably some more traits you would add to this list.

feel free to comment those down below if any uh I didn't include in this video.

Uh it's, you know, it's just part of the reality that we don't all get along with everybody all the time.

And uh I think that this explains who I wouldn't want to hang out with.

And then maybe you could think, oh well, well, somebody that doesn't have these qualities would be somebody I would want to hang out with.

So the first type of person I try to avoid wherever I am is a low agency person.

So I have encountered a number of people over the years and online as well and I've even fallen into this trap.

So I'm not above it like as far as just engaging with content uh or operating in this way.

But this is something I'm really trying to get away from.

And a low agency person is somebody who blames everything on external factors.

They're always trying to figure out or find out ways they could blame somebody else or something out of their control for why things are the way they are.

And these types of people tend to have that victim mindset.

Um to me, we have to be careful to not include somebody who's thinking critically in this.

Like if you point out a mistake, you're not just, oh, I'm a victim.

And it's more so like if somebody always has an excuse as to why they're not successful, they um always have an excuse as to why uh things didn't work out their way.

If somebody is always uh bringing up the past, like, oh, the reason things are bad today is cuz I was the victim a long time ago.

Uh in some cases, it's true.

Like if you're a victim of a serious crime, yeah, like you have a claim to um complain or gripe about it, you know, like but for most of us this type of mentality is very toxic and it leads to uh stagnation.

It leads to getting into trouble.

It leads to poor relationships.

that leads to uh a lack of success interpersonally or at work or in whatever way uh you can think of.

The very very successful people out there from what I can tell tend to have high agency in common.

They tend to believe that they're responsible for outcomes and they're responsible for uh personal growth.

They're responsible for their finances, their health, their happiness.

as much as one can be responsible for uh in their life.

And so when you deal with somebody that's always like Eeyore or oh it's all bad and everything's outside of my control, then these are this is somebody you probably want to avoid.

Now some people are high agency in some areas and low in others.

Like I've known some people that are high agency about money but low agency about relationships.

like, oh, I'm I'm uh, you know, I'm taking responsibility for my financial situation, but when it comes to relationships, I'm always taken advantage of.

Well, how is it that you're not taking advantage of financially, but you are taken advantage of in relationships?

That doesn't make any sense.

So, you want to look at uh different categories of agency and think about like, okay, I have agency over my health, right?

I can choose what kind of diet I want to eat.

I have agency over my relationships.

I can try to meet new people.

I can try to phase toxic people out.

Uh, a little bit different if you're divorced.

I understand you probably want to have a decent relationship with your former significant other if you share children.

Uh, but even then, you can you can bring a positive attitude to that relationship or or not.

Uh, finances, right?

Like you have some amount of control over your financial choices and your spending.

It's um, you know, some people say, "Well, I have to impress other people." No, you don't.

Okay.

Unless somebody else is paying your bills, unless it's your uh significant other, once again, where you you do have to take into consideration their opinion or their desires, like you can choose to drive a a moderately used vehicle, right?

You don't have to have the latest and greatest.

You could choose to live in a a mid-range neighborhood or or even rent if it makes more sense.

Like, you know, time of high interest rates, it's arguable.

It's it's possible that renting is a better financial decision for you in the short term and maybe even medium term.

Uh the you know there's this idea that oh I'm just a victim of circumstance.

In the United States you have more opportunity than just about any other country in the world.

Uh with a few exceptions I'm sure like tiny countries that are very very wealthy like Singapore for example.

But by global standards here in the US, I think most of my audience, I know most of my audience is American, then you have the opportunity to change your circumstance more.

So maybe not as much as in the past, okay?

Maybe things are not quite as opportune as they were in the 1950s or even the early 2000s.

Uh but it's not the level that people make it out to be where it's uh subsaharan Africa.

It's uh Central America.

It's, you know, some part of the world where social mobility is not to the extent it is here.

You may have to go back to college.

You may have to uh try to figure out a job where you could work some overtime.

You may have to cut back in some ways.

But this idea that we're just hapless victims, totally hapless victims in the United States, I don't agree with that at all.

I think there are some things that are outside of your control.

But where people, the people that I don't want to be around, get hyperfixated on those and they want to drag you down with them.

They have a crabs in a bucket mentality and they're best avoided.

If you're watching this and you want to become an expat someday, if you're not already an expat, but even if you are, you're responsible for things like visas.

You can't just go to immigration, the country of your choice, and oh well, I didn't know I had to stay on top of my visa.

I'm a victim.

You're you're you're taking advantage of me.

Like, no.

You know, if you want to be an expat, and many, not all, but many expats are high agency people, then you have to take responsibility for these things.

And for those who don't want to take responsibility, I want to be away from those people as much as possible.

I um I can't save them.

So number two would be hyper political people.

And I do have people occasionally comment on this channel uh but also just interact with people where everything is political.

They spend all their time watching Fox News or CNN.

And I often for some reason I get accused of uh being one way or the other.

I'm politically homeless.

I don't care what uh opinion other people have on my attitudes.

But I have some people that they want I met some people that they want to turn every conversation into a political one.

They want to uh you know, for example, I come to California for a unique opportunity in tech.

Oh, that's cuz you're a liberal economy.

Okay.

Look at the top companies by market cap.

Facebook, Apple, Netflix, Google, Amazon and I think most of them are either headquartered in California or they have major presence in California.

Uh they account for a large chunk of the US economy.

They are far from communist enterprises.

Uh but you have these people that are so political that it colors every conversation they have.

Anytime you mention anything, it somehow leads back to politics.

Look, I I treat it like whatever the issue is.

Am I going to have to go to work tomorrow?

Yeah.

Well, then it it's not really that big of a deal.

Well, well, yeah, but no, it's really if the issue at hand uh does not stop me from going to work tomorrow, then I don't really care about it.

I'm much more concerned about trying to build wealth.

much more concerned about staying healthy and getting wrapped up in politics which you have no control over.

Uh you're going to tend to be a confrontational, argumentative, combative person.

And I think it lends itself to being terminally online because these people being negative nies, these people being like angry or frustrated all the time, uh they probably pushed away a lot of people in their personal lives.

They probably are unpleasant to be around in person.

And so then they go online uh trying to find people who will agree with them, who will spend uh their own time like, "Oh yeah, yeah, I agree." Like blah blah blah blah blah.

Like this is the second type of expat I want to stay away from because like a big one is in most countries that we want to move to, you're not allowed to talk about politics.

You're not a citizen.

You don't have a realistic pathway to citizenship and you're specifically prohibited from discussing it.

like the visa for the Philippines country I spent a fair amount of time in about nine months total.

It says on the visa you're not allowed to discuss this.

So anytime you got somebody that's oh I'm going to talk about this and I voted for Trump or I voted for Biden or uh whatever it may be stay away from those people.

Those people are going down a dark path.

Um they're they're probably trying to distract themselves from things they do have control over.

like you're not going to make that much of a meaningful impact.

I I've just seen a lot of people waste a lot of time trying to have these debates.

Oh, I'm going to debate.

You're not taking action.

Like, it's this.

It's kind of like somebody who watches sports all the time, but never works out.

I think we've all probably either been those people.

I've been one of those people at times in my life, but also been around people like that where uh they use something that gives them a dopamine hit as a replacement or a substitute for uh the real thing.

Like another one would be somebody who uses adult entertainment.

Oh, I don't need a relationship.

I don't want a relationship.

uh you know these types of hyperpolitical people just best to avoid them.

It's not the best use of your time unless you're a politician or you're running for office uh in your home country where you have that privilege or right uh and you seek to you actually have a potential benefit from it.

It's not worth it.

Uh if you're in my opinion taking action is a much better path.

If you're living in California, you don't like the way it is, leave.

Plenty of people have left California.

Uh if you're in a red state and you don't like the way things are going, leave.

Plenty of people have left red states for for blue states.

Uh it's very common for people to leave California or New York for lower taxes, lower cost of living.

It's very common for people to leave Tennessee or uh Georgia for higher cost of living areas with more unique opportunities.

Uh there's I'm not sure if you guys have seen this, but this divorce lawyer uh that's made the podcast rounds.

He was on Softwight Underbelly.

He was on a few different channels.

He said, "Yeah, like my dad was a coal miner, I think." And and after the mines closed, moved to New York City.

I mean, and and conversely, I think we've all seen some of these podcasters that uh like Joe Rogan is a big example.

He left California for Austin.

I know people will say Austin is liberal, this and that, but like you don't have to announce the world every time you make a decision based on economics and tie it into politics.

Um it's just uh it's not really useful for a lot of people and I also find it at times hypocritical when people will move abroad but and they'll complain about the United States but then they'll maintain their US assets.

Oh, the US is going in a terrible direction but I maintain my investments.

I don't cash out my pension fund.

Well, which is it?

like there's not enough nuance in political discussions most of the time cuz nuance doesn't sell.

Uh and I just think you're better off not being around these types of people.

They tend to be angry, aggressive.

Um they might be on a path toward getting in trouble as well.

Uh number three is the contrarian.

So you guys have probably met a contrarian or been around a contrarian, somebody who's contradictory.

Um, anything you say they think the opposite.

Anything you like, they like the opposite.

And there's two real like outcomes here.

One is you have nothing in common.

I don't want to be around people I have nothing in common with.

And or two, uh, they're disingenuous.

They're they're actively trying to frustrate you.

And I've been around a few people like this and I call them out and then sometimes they'll laugh and I admit to it.

It's like, come on, dude.

like get I I don't know what's going on, but like some people they're they're like this and it's like, well, if we're that different, if we want to live in different states, we like totally different foods, we like totally different TV shows, different music, different sports, we work in totally different industries, we have all these things like that aren't in common.

What are we doing here?

like I'm not going to put in, you know, for my closest friends, it's effortless.

I don't feel any effort to be friends with them.

I don't it's not a a stretch to have a discussion with them.

I'm not it doesn't feel like work.

And so in this case, if you have uh a relationship or you meet an expat or a person in general where everything that you say, they think differently, it's like, okay, well, seems like we don't have much in common or you just enjoy arguing.

And if somebody just enjoys arguing, uh, I don't really want to be around him.

It's just a waste of energy that could be better spent on other things.

Why hang out with somebody I don't agree with when I can hang out with somebody I do agree with?

Uh groups are searching for consensus.

And some of these people uh that are whack jobs, they want you to also be a whack job.

They want you to also be uh it goes back to crabs in a bucket, but they also want you to um ruin your personal I think part of it is they want you to ruin your interpersonal relationship so you can hang out with them more.

Uh like you probably have been around somebody that's single and they try to interfere or meddle in their married friends or their friends who are in a relationship.

Their relationship is like, "Oh man, she's bad news.

You need to dump her.

Oh, he's bad news.

Break it off with him." Not because there's any legitimate reason, uh but because they're trying to make themselves feel better and they feel good when other people feel bad.

Um so anytime you're dealing with a contrarian, I say just stay away from them.

It's a not they're not trying to teach you anything.

There's we have access to all the information in the world.

Any question you have, you can put it into chat in GPT.

You could put it into YouTube, Google, you can get information there.

Nobody has secret knowledge.

Like that's something that's an issue with these contrarians is they act like they have some secret insight or secret knowledge when there's no such thing.

Uh number four would be criminal.

And this is one I've seen in expat communities and I've tried to call it out reading between the lines on my YouTube videos because uh in most of the countries I've lived in, defamation is illegal.

You're not allowed to critique in certain ways publicly and this is a public platform.

YouTube is and I and I've had people go as far as to defend criminal behavior.

Oh, it's not a big No, I I don't want to hang out with criminals.

I don't want to hang out with people that commit crimes and the crimes vary from country to country.

If you're an expat, it's on you to understand the laws and the liabilities in the country that you want to live in.

And if you don't understand them, you don't want to conform to them.

Maybe that's not the right country for you.

Uh for me, I make a conscious choice of picking the places I want to spend time.

And I want to follow all the rules.

I want to follow the visa laws.

I want to follow any kind of laws that they have.

I want to be in compliance.

And not only do I want to be in compliance, but I want to solely hang out with other people who are also in compliance.

And it's not, oh well, oh, the cops are victimizing me.

That's not going to be a valid excuse.

You, ignorance is not an excuse for not uh following the law.

And so, if you meet an expat and they I've dealt with this number of times, they casually mention breaking the law and then they they're like testing the waters.

Hey, is this guy like me?

Does he think it's cool to break the law, too?

Or is he some goody two shoes where he's going to give me a hard time?

And I've had other people I've met try to justify, well, it's not enforced.

It's not I don't care.

Like, I really don't care.

I only want to hang out with other people who are law-abiding residents of these countries.

This goes for the United States, but it's um equally goes for other countries that I don't know their legal system.

Like I grew up here in the US.

I studied pre-law.

Like I have a strong sense of the legal system here in the US, what is and is not permitted.

uh and I heir even more on the side of caution when I'm outside the US and I don't know what I am permitted to do and what I'm not permitted to do and as a US citizen uh certain laws apply to US citizens abroad.

So, I would research that as well.

But if you are unsure, you meet an expat and they're they seem to be discussing breaking the law about how it's not a big deal, how anyone can do it, blah blah blah, I would distance myself from that person if I were you.

I wouldn't take it I wouldn't leave it up to chance.

And yeah, uh the fifth one, let's see.

Um, the fifth one would be somebody who is uh an addict or and this is a catchy one cuz I know or this is a tricky one cuz I know some people have struggled uh with addiction in the past or they currently struggle with addiction.

This is not meant to look down on people that struggle with that uh or to put them down.

Um but depending on their circumstance, it may be wise to distance yourself from them if that also is in line with uh committing crimes, right?

So, uh if they're uh someone who says, "Oh, it's not a big deal to have adult beverages and drive." Well, that's something you should probably stay away from.

Uh if they're somebody who's addicted to their ego, like we're not even talking about substances here.

Like somebody who has to be right.

Oh, I'm right and you're wrong about everything.

Kind of back to the contrarian point.

Uh, that's an expat I don't want to be around.

Look, man, all you.

You're right.

I'm wrong.

I'll see you later.

Oh, well, no.

I wanted to hang out.

No, man.

You're right.

Like, I'm dummy.

I'm a dummy.

You know, I don't know what I'm talking about.

Uh, you're clearly far ahead of me.

Uh, and because you're such a genius and I'm such an idiot, I'm not helping you out by being around you.

There's a number of guys like that I met in uh Philippines and Thailand.

Not everybody, certainly not everybody, uh, but a certain chunk that they fit all of these criteria and they're unpleasant to be around.

They often look lonely because they run people off.

Um, they don't know how to get along with people effectively.

They don't know how to communicate effectively.

They don't seek relationships out for genuine connection.

They are looking to win.

They're looking to be the best.

they're looking to uh win the expat competition even though expats are not in competition.

Uh if you want to compete, you go back to the west where it is like more competitive economically um than it is in in more economical countries when you have that currency conversion.

Um once again, not not putting people down that struggle uh not saying I'm better than any of these people.

I fit into some of these categories.

You may also fit into some of these categories or have in the past.

I've definitely fit into some of these in the past.

And there's once again nuance to this as well.

I'm not suggesting, oh, if somebody looks at you the wrong way, quit being friends with them.

That's not what I'm saying.

What I am saying is I only have finite amount of time.

And I want to be very careful about who I spend time with.

And I want to spend time with those people I enjoy more than I enjoy being alone.

I'm happy to be alone.

I'm fine with being alone.

Uh, but there's certain people in my life where I'm like, man, this bead's hanging out by myself.

Like, they have so much insight and they're so kind and they have these qualities I really admire.

Uh, and then there's other people I'm like, man, you know what?

They ain't for me.

Like, they're for they might be for somebody, uh, but they ain't for me.

So, anyway, if you enjoy this video, give us a thumbs up.

Comment down below if any of these resonate with you, if there's any I didn't mention.

And finally, if you want to see more content like this, subscribe to the channel down below.

And I'll see you soon.

Bye-bye.