Is It Really Every Expat Out For Themselves? - Expats Taking Responsibility

hey YouTube Alex here and in today's video I want to talk about xats taking responsibility one of the things that comes up a lot for me is that people are always saying what are the tradeoffs what are the downsides what do you deal with over there isn't it dangerous over there isn't it unsafe and I thought I'd answer the question because I think that the tradeoff of having more freedom over here is that you have to take more responsibility back home there's some guard rails that we have that basically make things as safe as they could possibly be and when you're living over overseas you don't really have those guard rails let's go ahead and get into the topic of taking responsibility we'll do these in descending order so the fifth point is the Social Circle you choose to surround yourself with as an expad you have to take responsibility for your choices in Social Circle who you hang around with where you hang out certain places certain establishments tend to attract different kinds of people not just other expats but also local people you have to really be mindful of that where you go and who you're hanging out with what kind of people those places attract because that's part of taking responsibility some people I've noticed they'll come on YouTube and they'll talk about these horror stories and then you dig into it and you find out that oh well you know I just happen to be at the bar every single day or oh well I just happen to be at the girly bar every single day or I just happen to be hanging out in the bad part of town every day I'm not a fan of victim blaming but you do have to take responsibilities in expat if you're not a citizen of another country that you're moving to if you are not a permanent resident if you don't have family there it's especially more so the case on you to learn about what's safe there what's not safe there but more importantly who's safe and who's not safe many of the same things that apply in your home country will apply there too if you have found that it's safer for you to be in at night most nights then maybe you should also be staying in at night coming home at a decent hour these factors don't magically change since you've changed countries or changed locations they're true in just about every country I'm not saying you can't have fun I'm not saying you can't meet new people or enjoy yourself but you really got to take responsibility for where you go and who you're hanging out with if you get the impression somebody has a serious problem then it might be time to distance yourself from that person hang out with some other people maybe find another establishment there's no shortage of cool people I say this a lot but back home we get a job we don't control who our boss is our manager we don't control who our co-workers are we don't control where our office is we have to just kind of accept whatever that may be yeah you've got to take responsibility to get to work on time but for most of us job hopping is suboptimal we don't want to have those bad marks on a resume and so we kind of stick it out but as an expat retiree or as somebody living overseas assuming you're not working you have a lot more flexibility you can choose who you want to be around it's not like you sign a contract with a certain bar and I've got to be there 5 days a week every night no if you don't like it if you don't like the crowd there then you don't have to spend time there you might be like me I don't drink at all so there's no bar that I want to go hang out in there are a couple Resto bars that I like I'll go there and have the food I'm not going to be there all night I found that no matter where you go in the world that alcohol can lead to trouble it's not guaranteed but it opens up the potential for you running into certain kinds of issues that wouldn't happen without it I mean there guys in different xack communities that I met and they're always having problems and then you start to dig into it who do you hang around well you know I just happened to hang around the bar and they're my friends and you realize what they have is not friends what they have is drinking buddies they have people that will tell them oh no it's perfectly normal to be wasted every day they want people that will sit there and tell them yeah it's perfectly normal to go out to the bar at 10:00 a.m.

it's perfectly normal to be wasted all the time people who will enable them and so I think it's important if you're trying to turn over a new Leaf maybe you did resort to some of these unhealthy coping mechanisms back home when you come over here you got to take responsibility for who you choose to associate with there's a lot of people who have strange backgrounds this is even more so the case within XA communities I'm not sure if there's exactly one reason as to why that is but you really have to find the few people you want to be around there's not a whole lot of people I enjoy spending time with and I regularly look for reasons to to filter somebody out of the fold because I'd rather focus on the people I get along with I'd rather focus on the people I really enjoy spending time with as opposed to diffusing my time among a lot of different people that I just don't get along with we don't have shared values they've got some kind of interpersonal issue they've got a high conflict personality whatever it may be there's a lot of people I just don't want to be around the next point is lifestyle choices you have to take responsibility for your lifestyle choices back home you're probably so busy busy with work you didn't really have the option to think much about your lifestyle choices quite to the same extent you did to some degree but I find that some people really fall off the wagon over here cuz they've got all this free time and they don't know what to do with it they're not used to being able to date they're not used to being able to party every day of the week they're not used to being in a less judgmental culture where back home you got to do this you got to do that you can't live that way you can't live this way here in Southeast Asia it's a lot more living let live in a lot of ways and so you have so much more freedom there if you want to wake up at noon you can wake up at noon if you want to wake up at 5:00 a.m.

like I did this morning you can wake up at 5:00 a.m.

and everything in between there's a lot of Temptation over here that probably doesn't exist for you back home I think most of us feel more free in Southeast Asia than we do in our home countries but with that freedom comes responsibility to try to live a healthier lifestyle I mean most of what a person would want to do is tolerate here if not socially acceptable many are at least willing to overlook your behavior as The Eccentric expat the Oddball Foreigner who does some weird stuff but pays his rent on time pays his bills is not somebody that they might want to invite over for Christmas dinner but somebody that ah you know what they're doing their part financially and so you know we'll just Overlook that they seem to be on this path of self-destruction you could say I have found that if somebody's engaging in a self-destructive lifestyle in Southeast Asia they're not going to get as much interference where back home in the US unless it affects somebody else directly such that law enforcement gets involved a lot of people will simply egg you on they are crabs in a bucket they want you to engage in these behaviors because it validates their own choices in life why things are the way they are why they've done things a certain way here most people are more Live and Let Live and with that comes a tradeoff where you have to be extra diligent about your choices because you can afford to live more insulated as a foreigner you have a lot more control over your lifestyle choices and with that comes a lot of responsibility I think it's wonderful I think the freedom here is awesome but it's coupled with the sense of responsibility like hey I really got to take accountability for my actions because it's not like back home where I have a lot more experience in dealing with the rules where I know where the hard limits are and it's much more clear to me there due to years of experience a lot of us are still somewhat new over here we've lived most of our lives back home and a different system and we're trying to learn the new system so yeah take responsibility learn what you can and can't do ahead of time before you get over here try to think think about how your lifestyle is going to change and I think that will be for the best the third point is your relationship I think it's really important for guys to take their relationship seriously and to have that awareness of what it takes to maintain a healthy relationship this differs from person to person different people have different expectations in a relationship although I will say I think all happy relationships are happy in all the same ways a lot of guys here date single moms women with children from a previous relationship and if that's you then you have to take on that extra responsibility if you want to be in a relationship with that person it's a package deal there's so much here in relationships where you have to accept the package deal right one phrase I hear a lot is you're not just marrying her you're marrying her family and so if she has a toxic family then you have to keep that in mind to think well I don't know if taking responsibility for toxic family is the best thing ever I think some guys take respons possibility by moving to another Island that's a common one that you hear from some bloggers I don't know if you necessarily have to do that I think what's better is just filtering for that family take responsibility in the selection process and that will pay dividends down the line I think some guys in the selection process they think all I want is an attractive woman and like 80% of the women here are attractive so for a woman to be attractive is not sufficient for a relationship I would prefer a person with other qualities on top of that but some guys they pick the first woman they meet because oh look she's attractive and they're not really taking responsibility for that selection process and then down the line things go sideways some guys go for the loow hanging fruit and they wonder why is my girlfriend's family toxic and I'm wondering did you take the responsibility to meet her or to get to know them half of the responsibility in a relationship in my opinion is in the selection process taking the time to vet potential Partners not rushing into a relationship knowing what you're looking for being willing to say no I think going on a ton of First Dates is a good idea here or anywhere in the world especially if you're not as familiar with the culture you're new to the culture you're new to the country the guy who wants to marry the first woman he meets and then complains about how it didn't go well to me he just not taking responsibility that's why I get annoyed when guys to around this I got scammed I got scammed I'm not saying there aren't scams that's not what I'm saying here but the guys who try to rush something try to rush into something take shortcuts but I think you set yourself up to be taken advantage of you have to take responsibility to think okay I just met her does she really love me I've only gone on one date with her is it really time for us to live together think back to your home country is a successful guy desperate okay now look at overseas is the catch of a woman desperate probably not so if you encounter somebody who is desperate who's throwing themselves at you you have to think what kind of person would throw themselves at me who else have they thrown themselves at and and think through things and don't just get wrapped up into well I feel this way and I feel that way we have to use logic and reasoning when we're living overseas you also have to think about unique cultural aspects so here in the Philippines it's typical for a woman to help her family out and you have to determine what can we afford not I'm going to hand them the contents of my bank account and also not I'm not going to give anything once you're in a relationship then it is important to be honest I recognize some of this is kind of redundant are kind of obvious but I need to say it anyway for a guy who's married or a woman who's married there are certain additional responsibilities that they have to follow and they have to be mindful of and make sure that they're staying faithful because there could be real consequences to not being faithful here there are real consequences so you really have to take responsibility there for your actions not just within a marriage but also when you're in a relationship Filipinos Filipinas tend to have what I call facial recognition technology so you go off on a trist chances are somebody's going to see you somebody that might know your significant other I've been spotted out at the mall I've been spotted out in public by people that know the woman that I'm chatting with now of course I'm honest I'm not going to be deceptive and there's nothing for her to be concerned about but if I was being deceptive if I was dishonest thinking oh I'll just get away with this or get away with that well you can get caught and there are consequences to being caught so be mindful of that I know most of you are not like that but if there's the odd person watching this that is like that then they should know that it's something to be aware of Point number two is your finances now this is something that all of us have to take responsibility for the US May provide you a repatriation loan and that's not a guarantee it's a maybe if they'll provide it to you I think in many cases they will but first they make you call up three people back in the US asking if somebody can loan you the money so it's not right off the bat it's you've got to go through this embarrassing situation where you call people up and explain hey I've ran out of money in another country do you have any resources to help me to purchase a plane ticket to come back home and I think that's where your nightmare begins because you're going back to the US if you're out of money you're probably going back to a neighborhood that's not very good you probably don't have any recent work history it's just not going to be a good experience all around as a foreigner living overseas that doesn't have access to the local safety nets you could really be in a tough bind if you misstep if you run out of money and this is why it takes a lot of financial planning to do this successfully in my opinion you need an emergency fund you need a repatriation budget you need monthly income those are different pots of money you're not going to all have it in one go most of us will separate those funds this is my funds if I have a major health care issue these are my funds if I run out of money or for whatever reason need to rush back home that's a repatriation budget and then your monthly income that you're going to use to pay for your rent your food your transportation all these different budget items that are very important that you need to cover on a consistent basis that aren't fund money right I look at it like there's a budget to exist and there's a budget to thrive your budget to exist isn't taking vacations it's not going on shopping sprees it's really about what is the bare minimum I need to survive and then add on top of that if I want to have a relationship what's that going to cost if I want to take vacations what's that going to cost that should all come on top and maybe even have a pot of money for that maybe set aside $1,000 every quarter for a vacation I don't know how much your vacation budget will be depends on how many people you're taking depends on your expectations as far as hotel and dining and activities that should be a separate consideration but you really have to take responsibility for finances it's not like back home being self-worth us about your budget is one of the most important things that you can have some days you have what I call Hamburger money some days you have what I call Steak money and it's okay to have that self- awareness and know hey this is what I can afford I can't afford to take the high-end vacations I can't afford to pay my rent I can't afford to pay for my food budget I can't afford to pay for transportation but taking a vacation every quarter I think that's going to be out of bounds for me right now we all have different budgets and none of us have unlimited budgets there's no shame in setting limits as to what you can afford cuz there's a lot of people that do run out of money here they bring the twoe millionaire mindset and try to use that over the course of 2 years and I've talked to friends who said yeah I spent like 100 Grand in 2 years I came over thinking that 100K would last me 4 years and I just lived high on the hog we went here we went there we stayed in fancy hotels we really lived it up far beyond my means few of us coming over here are Jeff Bezos s Warren Buffett and those who are are going to keep it on the DL taking responsibility for Vance is one of the top most important things to take responsibility about you don't want to run out of money over here the last Point here is that your mental and physical health are extremely important nobody can take responsibility for these besides yourself it's stressful to move halfway around the world there's no getting around it and many of us are not coming here with a clean bill of health we've got some physical ailments we may have some mental health challenges nobody's going to come along and try to sort these out for you you have to take responsibility for these nobody's going to come along and treat you for these things you got to seek out Healthcare Providers find out who's going to be able to help you to solve your problems who's a professional who's educated who can steer you in the right direction maybe you're prone to certain issues and I've said in the past no matter where you go there you are most of us coming here we've got some baggage and I think it's important to take responsibility for that baggage maybe you'd benefit from talk therapy I know there are Na and AA meetings here in duetti for example I'm sure there are in most sizable cities around the world if you're struggling with that situation be proactive and reach out to the parent organization reach out to the local chapters hey where do you guys meet what time do you meet and knowing that information ahead of time you'll just be a lot better prepared a lot of what I'm talking about when it comes to taking responsibility is just being prepared doing the leg work I know Steve from Philippines info Channel he mentions a dryas board where you can track your preparation but this is going to be one of your top priorities you're probably leaving behind doctors that you know very well doctors that you've worked with for a while maybe you've got a certain Pharmacy that knows you by name recognizes your face you probably took some time to build up a support structure you may want to find new social groups that can help you to foster a sense of community where you don't feel as lonely and isolated I think it's important to learn how to be happy on your own but also many exits benefit from being around other guys or gals that can relate to their background to their situation it can be isolating to be away from from your home country I have developed a deeper sense of empathy for immigrants to the United States who give up their Hometown their home City being in close proximity to their friends and family maybe their communities of Faith some of us give up a lot by moving to another country I personally haven't felt like I've given up a lot this is something that I've had to handle on my own for a long time but you may be different from me you may be in a position where you're not really sure what does taking responsibility look like I mean if you come from a toxic family it may be the case that nobody's taking responsibility and nobody's taught you how to take responsibility but when you're on your own you're halfway around the world it rests on you and the foundation of success in my opinion rests on physical and mental well-being if you've got nagging injuries and you've got health insurance back home maybe go and get those checked out get a second opinion is there some kind of Physical Therapy Program where I'm headed that we can work on my knee issue or we can work on my shoulder issue and you're not just in the dark you're not in pain you may have some kind of illness that's rare in the new country and maybe even rare among expats overall my mental and physical health are way better over here I have more time to dedicate to exercise I am not stressed out getting yelled at at work all the time I spend less money my rent isn't so extreme so I don't have the extraordinary Financial pressure I had back home I'm very far away from toxic family so they can't bother me either I find it a lot easier to pursue these things here but it's also a conscious effort because I'm not used to really taking care of myself back home because we sacrifice our health to pursue money to pay bills to stay afloat and here are the dynamic changes the dynamic is different you can focus on yourself you can focus on your well-being you can look out for your own needs Healthcare Services tend to be cheaper I don't know as much about the mental health care side of things if you have experience with mental health treatment overseas let us know down in the comments below I find that people are also just more chill more laid-back I think something like 75 million American adults struggle with their mental well-being so these topics are worth consideration it's not easy to be in America these days unless you're a business owner or in the sea Suite you probably don't feel like you have enough money you may benefit from going overseas but that comes with added responsibility that you may not be used to having because back home there's guard rails there's subsidized housing there's meal programs there are Transportation subsidies all those things so anyway let me know what you think down in the comments below it always helps to generate interesting discussion how will you take responsibility to live your best expat life do you have any tips for other viewers who maybe don't know what responsibility looks like give us a thumbs up it helps with the YouTube algorithm have you seen xats fail to take responsibility and suffer the consequences give us a thumbs up it helps with the YouTube algorithm and finally subscribe to the channel down below if you want to see more content like this and we'll see you soon