Hey YouTube, Alex here.
I'm coming to you today from beautiful Reno, Nevada.
It's getting close to sunset.
I thought I'd capture some of that lovely light for you here.
I wanted to tackle a topic I came up with recently.
And that topic is why do expat topics, expat conversations often lack nuance?
And I need to define nuance.
To me, nuance means subtle differences, right?
I think a lot of people in the expat communities around the world, they tend to have extreme personalities.
I'd say that's the first point here.
Most of them have extreme personalities.
You're talking about cavalier people who are risktakers and they live life often on their own terms.
And that lends itself to having these sweeping generalizations that happen.
I was recently attacked by an expat.
Many of you probably know went ahead and blocked him from the channel.
Ultimately, I feel a lot of empathy for a lot of these guys.
You know, a lot of them were not happy in their home country.
I myself have struggled with happiness here in the US.
I think it's only natural that if you're talking about people that get on a plane to go live halfway around the world, they weren't satisfied with something back home.
And I've gone back and forth on this topic a lot.
Oh, I was so happy in America and I'm happy here.
But there has to be a pretty big gaping issue for you to be willing to get on a plane and go to another country where you're not a citizen.
you at least initially probably don't speak the language.
I mean maybe for some people that speak Spanish, they moved to Latin America.
Uh that's an exception.
But even in countries where English is prevalent, it tends to be a second language.
It tends to not be at the same level that we have here in the United States where the vast majority of people speak fluent English.
I know there are some exceptions, but most people speak pretty good English and it's not really something that comes up.
But that's just something I noticed is you have a lot of people that along with those extreme personalities, some of them have extreme moods.
Uh they tend to be prone to excess.
I've noticed that among a lot of expats, they might be in very risky career paths like sales for example.
I have a background in sales.
Other expats I met have a background in law enforcement.
Some guys they But a lot of expats, you start talking to them, you find out they're risktakers in general.
And I think that when it comes to these extreme personalities, a lot of them seek validation for their choices.
I've noticed that a lot in Southeast Asia where along with these extreme personalities, there's this normalization of living extreme.
There's this idea that if you don't do things the way I do things, then you're the one with a problem.
And I think there at times is a lack of self-awareness with some of these extreme personalities where some of them are really self-aware and they're awesome.
They're really easy to get along with.
They're like, I know I'm a wild dude and those are the most fun expats.
You have other guys that are like everybody else is the problem.
And they don't understand that not everybody wants to live in a developing country.
Not everybody is comfortable with the challenges that living in a developing country poses.
Whether it be the language barrier I mentioned earlier, whether it be issues with the health care system, even just trying to do banking.
For me here in the US, it's very easy to do banking.
I have half a dozen apps.
I have several different banks I can go to.
I don't ever wait in line.
I've got credit cards.
I've got debit cards.
I found often when it comes to expat communities either.
I feel like I've known the guy for my whole life.
Then there's other guys.
I don't know what exactly the reason is, but it's like, man, like I don't know where this guy is coming from.
He's coming out of left field.
He's acting wild.
You know, you see him involved in different incidents.
You see them arguing in various groups and forums and and trying to lecture people and they're like wow.
So it's in the US I find a lot of people I can just take them or leave them.
Ah whatever.
You know they're fine to work with.
Do I want to hang out with them after work?
I'm not sure.
Not that I don't like them.
I don't know how much we can really relate.
I don't know how much we have in common.
But in the expat communities I've encountered, I either find, wow, this guy really aligns with me or this guy's way on the opposite side of the fence.
And that's just not something I encounter as much here in the States.
People in the states, I don't know.
I think that there's more, at least where I live in California, there's more of a live and let live attitude.
You do you, I'll do me.
Where are some expats, it's almost this kind of cult mentality.
You have to do things the way I do.
You have to love the places I love.
You have to think the way I think.
I've just seen so many people in these expat communities.
You've got to come do this extreme hobby with me, man.
It's the only way to truly enjoy this place.
And it's like, no, that that sounds sketchy.
Whatever you're talking about sounds way sketchier where I could just do it in the US and there's a lot more safety precautions.
there's a lot more regulations, there's a lot more rules to keep me safe and I don't want to take that kind of risk.
And so that that's the top reason I think is these extreme personalities that really take away the subtlety in expat life.
And you see this in the media, expat media, you see this in different communities with these extreme personalities.
I find if you point out, hey, I don't want to live that way.
Some of them get really upset like, how dare you try to invalidate my life choices.
This is the best way to live.
I live better than anybody.
Well, that doesn't really make any sense when you see tons of people from that country trying to leave and far fewer people trying to move to that country.
There's many countries that this falls into, but you can imagine like many hot expat destinations throughout the world.
I mean, I remember at one time Ukraine was a huge destination pre situation.
Tons of people were talking about you've got to move there.
This is the hot place to move.
If you don't move here, you're crazy.
And then the situation happened and all of a sudden it's reversed.
Oh, we got to get out of here.
I thought you had this conviction that it was going to be the best place ever.
So, there's this lack of understanding of dynamism that one of the things people like about the US is that it's pretty stable.
I, you know, I know it's not the best time right now here, but it's pretty stable compared to a lot of places.
The next point I have for you here is that binary framing is emotionally easier.
So for a lot of these guys, they've got to justify this extreme life choice.
This [snorts] really cavalier way of living and it's got to come down to overseas good, America bad.
I've heard this so many times, America bad, overseas good.
I can't believe you live there.
And it's not perfect here in America.
I'm the first to admit that.
Uh sometimes my mood isn't the best here.
Sometimes I'm stressed from work or stressed from car challenges or whatever it may be.
But it's not all bad here.
I look at it really as a series of trade-offs.
But I think a lot of expats when they're trying to sell the dream, they're trying to tell you, "Come live over here." It it's emotionally difficult for them to admit, look, I I make a trade-off by living over here.
I trade the convenience culture of the West.
I trade the fantastic air quality experience in the United States.
I trade being able to just hop in a car and get around.
I know some people say, "Oh, a car overseas." It's not the same as hopping on the highways, the interstates that we have here.
Also, we have pretty good law enforcement that actually enforces traffic laws, so you're not having to deal with that.
The flip side of that is tickets are expensive.
If you ever gotten a ticket for uh problematic driving, man, that really hits the wallet.
It It's not fun.
Nobody likes getting a speeding ticket, but you know, it's it's hard to admit like, "Hey, when I drive to town, there's animals running out in the road.
There's just a lack of predictability." That was one of the things that came up to me.
You know, you point out that, well, life in America is pretty predictable where life overseas is much less predictable.
Well, in some ways that's interesting.
It's really dynamic.
It's you see all kinds of funny things, have interesting conversations, but there were times living abroad where I was thinking, man, I just wish things would go back to being boring.
I wish things were more predictable, like I didn't have to run around town to find the bananas I like or to get the medicine that I need.
Yeah, I think these emotional binaries, it makes them feel good about themselves to justify their decision.
I think for a lot of guys, it's a great decision to go abroad.
I don't crank retirees at all.
I think if you're trying to live comfortably on a budget, hey, you do you.
More power to you.
I respect the the courage and the hustle and the heart that it takes to do that.
But the honest guys, the guys I really get along with, they readily admit, this place ain't paradise.
I've had that conversation with a number of expats.
I enjoy it here.
It's good for me.
It's not perfect for everybody.
If it was perfect for everybody, everybody would live here.
Everybody would come over here.
I think that's where these topics can get infiltrated by the extreme type is that I don't know, they're just very emotionally invested in their decision.
I think for most guys it comes down to dating or economics or both.
I think those are two of the probably top reasons most uh male expats move abroad.
I think for female expats cost of living is probably a factor but there may be uh other things that are intriguing to them about living in another country.
They may choose to u have they may have a preference for a different kind of culture or a different kind of city.
Everybody's got their reasons and not everybody has the same reasons and for those who move those reasons don't necessarily stay the same.
I mean places change.
Certain countries or cities become more expensive.
You hear this a lot about New York City.
You hear this a lot about the Bay Area, San Francisco area where I used to live.
Part of the ideal of expat life is that you're in these places in the zeitgeist or the heyday of what it's like to live in that city before prices skyrocket, before the culture changes, before they become overdeveloped, um the the locals get priced out, but after they've hit a certain level of development.
I enjoy San Francisco in 2025.
Don't take me back to San Francisco in 1925.
The final thing I'd say about this binary is that cultural warmth can coexist with pollution.
Both things can be true at once.
The people can be freaking awesome, but at the same time, you don't like it that there's a lot of smog.
It's hard to see the clouds.
It's hard to see a blue sky like we have here.
It's It's not a mutually exclusive situation or a zero sum game.
The next reason that the expat topic or conversation lacks nuance is that a lot of expats have experienced status regression at home.
You've seen a large chunk of the United States population become poorer since 2008, whether it be a bankruptcy, loss of a home, wage stagnation, maybe they got hurt and can't do the high paid job they used to do.
And so they've actually gone backwards in some cases.
their life has gotten meaningfully worse and then they find themselves abroad and their status is elevated where back home they struggle in dating.
They struggle economically.
They struggle to get respect because they're Joe nobody.
They go abroad and all of a sudden they're the new expat in town.
All the guys want to meet them.
A lot of the ladies that back home would never express interest and some of these guys are all of a sudden open to dating them.
They get this yo-yo effect where they've gone down and they go back up.
And I think for a lot of guys, their egos can't really handle it.
I think it's almost like if you took somebody random off the street and made them a Hollywood movie star and they just wouldn't really know how to handle it with I grace is the right word or I've seen this with a number of expats.
There's one in particular, I'm not going to name out of respect for him, but I was talking about this expat YouTuber with a friend of mine and we were discussing how when this guy got started, he was very humble.
He had financial troubles, relationship troubles back in the West.
And he seemed very down to earth and relatable like, wow, you know, he's he's somebody that can come back.
You know, everybody loves a comeback story where the guy is beaten down and had a hard go of things and then he comes back.
And then as his channel grew and got bigger and bigger, he became more and more arrogant, more confrontational, uh more egotistical, and really turned a lot of his audience off.
Now, his audience grew to be substantial.
And the point of this video is not to put him down or to talk about how he went wrong, but rather that that's that yo-yo effect I mentioned in action where he all of a sudden goes from totally boring, nobody would recognize him on the street back home to [snorts] in the expat hotspot, people are coming up to him, introducing themselves all the time.
How are you doing?
How's your wife doing?
Treating him almost like a celebrity.
And I think for a lot of guys that they feel invisible back home, they just don't know how to handle it.
The next reason that expat discussions tend to lack nuance is that a lot of expats become moralizers.
They feel that it's their duty to moralize and tell people this is how you should live and it's only ethical to live this way.
I've had one expat tell me, "Oh, you should only date the provincial woman.
You should only date women from small towns or the province." There are a lot of great women from the province.
I fully believe that.
But it's not a moral absolute.
Just like people from the city, there's some great people from the city.
There's also some people that are not so great.
But when you talk about nuance, like each individual is different and we shouldn't prejudge a person based on where they're from, you get into this tedious back and forth.
Oh, I'm honest and I'm a good guy and you're dishonest and you're a bad guy.
And no, I'm self-aware enough to know I don't argue for no reason.
The only time I'm arguing is if it's part of my job and I'm getting paid to do it.
I'm not going to argue with people for free.
It's just not worth it to me and I don't enjoy it anyway.
It's just not how I like to spend my time.
Some people love it, you know.
Some people love conflict.
They enjoy arguing.
They enjoy debate or battle.
Maybe they're bored.
Maybe they don't have enough on their plate.
I'm not like that.
But I do find a lot of expats, they turn things into a moral battle and they're trying to figure out who should have status or who should not have status when really the topic is much more complex than that.
And it's not really a matter of morality.
It's a matter of preference.
There is no one country for all expats.
I happen to love Thailand.
Other people, you know what?
I don't can't see myself living in Thailand.
Nothing wrong with it, but it's just not the place for me.
And I feel that applies to so much is when you built up the financial resources necessary.
You should be able to choose the place that makes you happy, the place that you enjoy living there.
It's not up to somebody else to determine whether your choices are valid or not.
It's not a a moral discussion or a battle to figure out who's right and who's wrong.
But it really does hurt the nuance in the conversation of like, "Hey, if you value certain things, maybe you should live in Thailand.
If you value certain other things, try the Philippines, Vietnam, Mexico.
There's so many cool places to live in the world.
You're never going to be able to live in all of them.
And I mean, some will, but most people won't.
Most people will probably want to settle down and pick one place and build up a community in that place.
But yeah, I I just have to point out that I think there's a lot of great options out there.
We shouldn't be in the business of moralizing this discussion.
The final point I'll add here is that there is just a lack of long-term perspectives.
So, most guys that have become expats in recent years have done just that.
They've become expats in recent years.
I know a lot of guys that they hit social security age, they're able to draw.
Many are not leaving at my age.
They're leaving at an age where they have built up real estate income.
They built up stock income.
They built up a healthy amount of social security.
So what happens is many of them they're trying to learn as quickly as they can.
I give them all the credit in the world for doing research.
But because most don't last a long long time overseas, then they get a limited perspective.
And also, it can be an echo chamber.
The guys that have lasted a long time abroad tend to get a lot of fans.
They tend to get a lot of people looking to them for insight, looking to them for direction, advice.
They want to feel cool, right?
What's cooler than hanging out with a guy or a gal who's managed to live abroad for say 5 10 years?
There's not too many of them.
When you do meet them, they tend to have a lot of stories.
They tend to have seen the place shift, the dynamic shift.
They tend to have built up a pretty large variety of connections.
They know a lot of people.
So, they can set the narrative sometimes for good, right?
But other times not so good.
and what they say gets repeated over and over again.
There's a self- selection bias there.
You're talking only to guys who it's worked out for.
And I think it works out for a lot of guys.
Do I think it works out for all?
No, it's obvious it doesn't.
If it worked out for every single guy that tries it, then these destinations would be a lot more crowded.
They wouldn't have much turnover.
But actually, a lot of them tend to have pretty substantial turnover.
A lot of them when they become more expensive, for example, people start seeking out cheaper places.
This is something that's happened between Thailand and Vietnam is a lot of people have found that the prices in Thailand have gone up.
So now they're seeking Vietnam because wow, rent is what it used to be in Thailand some years back.
Food is what it used to cost in Thailand some years back.
there's less of a sense of over tourism in some areas where you get the sense that it's less discovered.
It's gotten less attention and it's more fresh.
And yeah, I find that you have to be careful.
You have any guy that's an expat, makes content, or otherwise that makes sweeping generalizations, be very cautious around that guy.
be very skeptical because they have that self- selection bias where yeah, it worked out for them.
They don't know your financial situation.
They don't know your health situation.
They don't know your family situation.
I've seen some guys use it as a point of bragging that they haven't gone back home in a decade or more.
I just think that's kind of sad.
I don't have family here in the US really.
It's not a point of pride.
It's actually kind of unfortunate and anybody that has such limited attachments here, it's [snorts] it's something that we've got to have empathy for.
We got to think, man, you know what?
It sucks that that's how little attachment they feel to their home country.
The place that they grew up, the place that they started a family, the place they built their wealth, the place that holds all of these special memories for them.
Like always, this video is more about patterns.
It's not about calling somebody out.
It's just something that I've noticed among various communities that I've encountered around the world.
You have to think what's their motivation.
Do they have a extreme political belief?
Do they have an extreme moralizer attitude?
Are they financially incentivized to push these beliefs?
Right?
Do they sell a product that they push on expats?
Do they have some kind of course or consultation or maybe they've got some real estate that they're trying to rent out?
You really have to question the motivations of various expats because it's not easy to make money abroad.
Contrary to what people say, it's pretty hard to make money online.
It's actually very competitive.
It gets oversaturated quickly.
There are people from all over the world postco that know about remote work and uh many different ways of making money online have become a race to the bottom.
So, anytime somebody is trying to tell you do this or do that, trying to give advice, trying to push you a certain way, really question it.
So, anyway, thank you for watching this video.
Let us know what you think down in the comments.
Have you dealt with any of these behaviors?
Have you dealt with any of these patterns?
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Bye-bye.
