hey YouTube Alex here in today's video we're going to talk about xats behaving badly and what of the most common issues that I see when it comes to expats behaving badly in my time here in dumag Getti I've
met some wonderful guys who are from the US mostly but other countries as well guys that I enjoy spending time with guys that are fun to be around I've also met a lot of haunt garbage I thought I'd
get into some of the reasons as to why I think that there are expats that are behaving badly as far as personality disorders go I think the most common that I've noticed here is narcissistic personality disorder and these
guys they come here because they're seeking admiration and attention back home there ain't nobody here oh you're an expat you're a foreigner and the little bit of money they have can allow them to command a lot of attention
they wouldn't be able to date in their home country they wouldn't be able to rent a house in their home country they wouldn't be able to live the standard of living that they live here and in some ways
I could relate in terms of just being able to enjoy life but in other ways they take it a step further and they feel like they are commanders or they are telling people oh look at how awesome it
is these people have to do this for me these people have to do that for me and they're seeking admiration I get the convenience I get the standard of living I struggle to be around people that they come
here expressly because they could demand attention from people I struggle to be around those who have a sense of grandiosity like oh look at me I'm this high-end successful Foreigner when really they were not that successful back home
the entitlement I'm entitled to this specialized attention I'm entitled to attention from women I'm entitled to be waited on hand and foot it's because I am so special the final point is this need for admiration oh man I'm
a handsome guy look at all the attention I get here look at how good I look they exaggerate their positive qualities to get that added level of attention it's not a desire for attention or admiration it is a
need they are hyper fixated on getting attention from other people and I'm sure I will get a comment down below oh you're on social media that's beside the point you will encounter narcissistic expats around the world just comes
with the territory you got to be prepared for it this next one is a common one that you've probably heard about antisocial personality disorder when you hear about the guy who's running from something back home this is the
one that seems to stick out the most to me you have guys living abroad running away from criminal background they're running away from Child support payments they're running away from who knows what and they go to another country
because they feel that they don't have to deal with those issues back home I think a lot of us are running from something back home but even more so the case when you've got somebody with this aggression this
impulsivity and the disregard for social norms I've met a lot of expats around the world that have this odd kind of social rejection thing going on like they just don't fit in into normal society and so they go
live in a place where they can exist outside of society and then they also have some of these Tendencies toward aggression on a long enough timeline you will meet expats with aggression problems it just comes with the territory
all types of aggression passive aggression overt aggression physical aggression all kinds of pathological behavior that it'd be one thing if it just affected them but they're actively going out there trying to impact other people some of these guys
are smart they figured out how to fly into the radar through anonymity through avoiding accountability and they congregate in some of these expat hotpots they like to go to places where they feel that they can blend in that
a foreigner is not going to be sticking out or out of the ordinary the next point point number two is not about personality disorders but rather high conflict personality so not necessarily to the degree of personality disorders but
just having a tendency to have issues with high conflict personalities with these types of people they like to come to a lower cost of living country because with the lower cost of living they have more time they can
exert influence over other people more easily if you have a high conflict personality and you try to go into work and argue with your boss they're going to be able to put you in your place they're going to
tell you hey just no just do your job dude whatever it is I don't care just do your job well if you've got some more money than the average person it's not so easy to get into that Dynamic
it's not so easy for somebody to tell you to just do your job you may not be permitted to work and so they get this power dynamic they get to throw their little bit of money around back home
they'd have to keep working because of the High Cost of Living they wouldn't be able to leverage their money very easily cuz they wouldn't have enough money back home you need to be a multi-millionaire to even begin to
exert influence over people and even then if you treat somebody badly back in the United States there's ways that they can get back at you you could get thrown out of establishments more easily there's a a way of
handling that and there's enough people throwing enough money around in the US that one customer that's a problem may just get thrown out May just look you know what you're more trouble than you're worth you're not welcome to
come back I've seen people get basically banned from different kinds of establishments you see this in retail for example where if somebody does certain types of behavior then they just get banned from that retail establishment no questions asked
I've seen it a little bit here but it seems like people are more forgiving on average here people back home the us not that forgiving a lot of these people struggle with relationships back in their home country because
they bring High volatility to their relationships they're always trying to control they're always trying to manipulate they are always trying to dominate and there's a presumption here that the women are more traditional and they're more accommodating that they
will tolerate more bad behavior than the women in the United States whether that's true or not is besides the point it does attract guys who have these high conflict personalities I remember Bob I met a gentleman named Bob
and he kept telling me I want a subservient woman I want a woman that's going to allow me to lead is she going to allow me to lead or is she going to try to lead me and Bobs
are a diamond dozen here unfortunately you're going to meet plenty of Bobs who they come here because they want that power dynamic they want to feel like they can control like they can dominate it comes from insecurity it
comes from personality problems they know the behavior is not tolerated or normal back home and it's not normal here but people that are struggling may have a stronger willingness to tolerate that behavior where back home it's like dude
just get lost you meet a lot of bizarre guys looking for love here you meet a lot of guys with obvious high conflict personalities here that they cannot get along with other people very well back home and so
they come here because they perceive that they can try to force people to get along with them here in the Philippines in particular people are non-confrontational they generally don't want to argue they don't want to fight it's I
think it's called piki Sama there's also the Saving Face element where people avoid shame so you've got this recipe for people who love conflict and want to control and dominate to try to push people to their limit it's
really unfortunate but they know people have the internet bad people have the internet problematic people have the internet they can learn about different cultures they can figure out where they can go where with their small amount of money
they can engage in problem behavior that they're willing to go to therapy to treat right that's what somebody with this situation should do is they should go to therapy they should seek a licensed counselor to help them sort
out their internal issues they will use this laid Mac atmosphere to push people as far as they think they can get away with it it's really unfortunate I don't like seeing it I sometimes think to myself am I
the only expat that likes Filipino people or likes Philipino culture enjoys being around Filipinos I know that's not true I have some great friends here that are very good to to the Filipino people but it does make me
wonder sometimes when I see somebody giving a local person a hard time and the more I research this video the more I figured it out I should be clear here the majority of xats don't fall into these categories
the majority of guys are awesome but they're quiet and you don't hear about him are all the xats like this some people are wondering are all the expats like this no that's not the case it's just that the
bad guys the bad gals are the most vocal the most obvious the most overthe toop the third reason xats will behave badly is due to Financial pressure and there's so many examples of this I don't even know where
to begin some people come here underprepared they're not prepared financially they're not prepared in terms of the economic resources they need to live here long term they come here with 20 grand and they expect that to last 3
years thinking they're going to live on a very small amount of money and then an emergency comes up an unexpected situation comes up all kinds of different things arise and they feel like oh no what am I going
to do and so they start to behave badly all of a sudden they're going to start a new business they go around town asking to borrow money oh we're raising money I need investors and before you know it
they've collected a big bag of money from unsuspecting guys and gals and then they take off and they disappear oh what happened to them oh I don't know they just disappeared one day I've heard this story numerous times
in different countries it's more common than you'd like to think it also shouldn't come as a surprise that in a lower cost of living country that there would be people that know this that the cost is less and
that they could come here with less money than what it would take in their home country to retire and own their own time basically spend their time how they want go out to restaurants live in a nice neighborhood
be able to hire locals to help them with different things they get in this habit of living the high life and their standard of living keeps going up meanwhile inflation is Raising prices and they're not in their earning
years typically anymore whether they're retiring at 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 a lot of xats are not permitted to work and so they stop working so they income slows down their income growth slows down and yet
their costs keep going up oh man it's only $20 to go out to a nice meal with a girlfriend or it's only $15 I could do that every day back home it was once a month or never occasion
I can do that every day here and so they start to ramp up their standard of living and their income doesn't increase with that and so they get to a point where oh no the money's running out what
am I going to do so they start to scheme up ways of getting investors involved then oh man I've got this great business Brett devis said it really well a local might get you for a few bucks a
foreigner will sell you a business that does not exist oh yeah man I got a bar for sale it's just a couple million pesos and you'll be rolling and D I'm putting it up for sale because I'm just
so busy with my other business ventures I've got so much going on I just don't have time for it but you'll do really well with it you'll have a cash flow and this and that and then Money Changes
hands and that other guy I've got to go back home to handle something I'll see you next week man I'll see you in a few weeks man next thing you know they're on a boat to another Island they're
on a plane to another country and you never see them again I've heard of this story where somebody will rack up a bunch of debts and then they will just disappear they borrow money from Peter borrow money from
Paul borrow money from this guy that guy the other once the pressure starts to mount and build up they just disappear they just leave and run away and nobody ever hears from them again nobody ever gets their money
back it's just basically gone this is one of the those areas that is more subtle with the personality disorder everybody can recognize a jerk but somebody who's a scammer I mean some of these people are conmen who are
very experienced at ripping people off they've been ripping people off their entire lives and they just get better and better at it and then sometimes they get caught you probably could think of an expat who has gotten in
trouble for something back home and then people find out about it article circulates around everybody knows their secret there are a fair amount of expats who behave badly who have a checkered past I have seen in the case
of other guys their financial situation deteriorate and as it gets worse they get more and more stressed out more and more Angry more and more hard to deal with they blame the local people they blame the country they're
in it's everybody else's fault but their own they externalize their frustrations and their challenges and it's painful to see right because I get the impression that these guys did not intend to be in this difficult situation or this
difficult position in life and yet here they are they're in another country they probably can't afford to go back home other than to live on the street and to beg for food and they may be beyond their working
years they may not be at an age where they can go back to work and find a job and it's it's really a sad story some of these guys just don't have an option the next reason is relationship
pressures I think that relationship pressures are a major factor as to why expats behave badly for a fair amount of guys they date the first woman they meet you have some guys meeting a woman at the airport who
cannot even make it into town without being in a relationship some guys are engaged before they meet the woman it sounds bizarre but some guys are that lonely and desperate back in the west and so because they haven't
done any filtering because they haven't gone on any first dates in some cases they end up in a relationship with somebody who has some challenges and with a challenging background and and I know cuz I have a challenging
background the family Dynamic is not healthy and back home it's not as big of a deal like for me I just cut my family off I'm aange for them check out the video on my channel if you want
to know some more backstory there but that's not so simple in a country that is family oriented it's harder to distance yourself from your family in a country that is very family oriented I've known some women who recognize
the toxicity to just move Islands totally they move to a different part of the country they get a job in a different part of the country they go to college they pay their way through college in a different
part of the country and they just don't want to be around the toxicity but other guys find themselves in a relationship with a woman who doesn't want to be away from the family who wants to be close by
that's when the asking for money starts that's when they requests for money and the greater and greater and it keeps accelerating up oh yeah I'll get you some groceries this week no big deal oh you need me to
fix the house oh yeah sure I got it and the requests for money just keep escalating and guys say struggle with boundaries don't know how to say no they don't know how to set boundaries maybe they're locked in
they have a child together they're Reliance on family support for child care for whatever reason they haven't figured out a tactful way to move to another Island I'm not suggesting you should or shouldn't do this for some guys
they benefit from being in a different Island from their family they might not want to be in that City or location there may not be anything inherently wrong with that City they just have a preference to live somewhere
else and if they're Bank rolling their expat lifestyle and they've worked really hard to get there they may want to live in line with their preferences and so it can have this two birds with one stone effect where
they're able to be away from a toxic family that woman May recognize it she may be totally aware that that Dynamic is not healthy she may not have the means on her own to get away from that some
expats they just don't see this they don't think through this and they get stuck now you're just watching this train wreck and slow motion where they don't know how to get away from the situation they may have like
I said a major commitment in many different ways to this person and they're stuck and so they start to behave badly they run away from the situation they don't take responsibility take accountability for being involved with this person
they blame the person oh they're a bad person this is where you hear that I got scammed thing come into play a lot she scammed me she scammed me well what happened well I sent her some money so
she didn't really scam you well I bought this and I bought that and the other and I'm not saying there aren't scams here okay scamming is a problem anywhere there are people but there are so many guys that
refuse to take accountability that have a victim mindset that everything that goes wrong is always somebody else's fault you will hear a lot of guys with major relationship issues externalize it blame it on the other person oh she
did this she did that when they didn't do any research on relationships here in the Philippines they didn't watch any YouTubers or a couple that validated their beliefs oh I'm so good because I'm a western man she's lucky
to have me because I'm such a catch and the reality is far more complex than that it's not so simple I think a lot of guys they drink their own Kool-Aid and they don't want to see reality it
leads to some of the problems that I discussed in this video there are guys that behave badly here because they think that the Philippines offers more traditional gender roles and that that means that the women here have to
put up with any range of their bad behavior behavior that we know would absolutely not be tolerated back home but because of the warm and open-minded culture here people feel pressured to tolerate behavior that is otherwise unacceptable back
home I've seen it too many times to count it's unfortunate because there are a lot of wonderful people here that deserve to be treated well some relationship issues are chocked up to communication differences and language barriers you might
think oh English is perfect in the Philippines and I agree it's really fantastic with my friends who have foreign Filipino relationships there are some subtleties that we pick up on about other expats that go against the beliefs of
the Filipina who she may think things are a certain way because she's engaged with Western media especially popular media that is designed to kind of sell a narrative and then the reality conflicts with that narrative that's just the
last part of it and when it comes to expats Behaving Badly they are riding on this asymmetry of information where they have a certain set of information and their Filipino partner has is a different set of information they're
relying on the Gap there to engage in problematic Behavior the final reason for expat's Behaving Badly is that the Filipinos are known worldwide for being kind accepting tolerant people the Filipinos are generally very sweet they've been very welcoming
to me I have some wonderful Filipino friends male and female you just feel so welcomed here by the majority of Filipinos that you meet and you encounter the downside to this is that the Filipino people are so kind
and so forgiving and so generous so sweet they are at times too accepting of the expat who behaves badly the expat who would be a total social reject back home who would not have any friends who nobody would
like nobody would get along with nobody would tolerate the Filipino people find it in their hearts to accept this type of person it's sad to see it there are plenty of expats that would be marginalized economically or socially
back home they wouldn't be accepted into clubs or group activities and they don't have the financial resources to be accepted in terms of social status you could say they want to find a place where people are willing to
overlook or to be forgiving people think that oh because they tolerate this bad behavior that they desire it or that they encourage it when really the people are just trying to be hospitable they're trying to be inclusive they're
trying to be patient in ways that that some foreigners just don't deserve they're often so accepting of foreigners that they accept somebody who back home their budget is not anything special but here can afford them a fairly comfortable
Lifestyle by local standards and I think that's starting to change I think the perception is starting to change I think it's starting to get around that not all foreigners are well healed that not all foreigners are well Todo
in fact a lot of foreigners and 2024 are priced out of their home countries they simply can't afford to live there anymore they would be in a very desperate situation if they tried to back in our home countries
being poor is often looked at as a personal failure as an internal issue as a moral failing here people are more accepting of people with economic struggles you hear about it a lot I've heard this story many times
where a foreigner will fall on Hard Times local Filipinos will essentially take that person in and shelter them provide food for them help them to get sorted out and to survive I don't think that these foreigners in their
home countries would get the same reception I think they would rely on Social Services because nobody would put up with them without an obligation to do so I generally find Filipinos to be far more forgiving than the average
American some of whom can hold grudges for a very long time I've known numerous Americans to hold grudges grudges that started when they were small children that they're elderly and retired and those grudges are still a thing additionally
I found that because Filipinos are warm-hearted and tolerant and open-minded some XA communities have this tendency to form kind of an echo chamber and regurgitate ideas don't make any sense and back home somebody would intervene some Americans are
Shameless and they would step in and say no what you're talking about is ridiculous disrespectful depending on the context they might get thrown out of an establishment if they are discussing certain topics in such a way that would
harm the business but I found here there's a higher willingness to accept such individuals and it can attract people who wish to have their toxic ideas validated because you've got on one hand the foreigners who will sit there
and validate any number of absurd ideas or beliefs and on the other hand the Filipinos who are generally conflict diverse who don't want to get into an argument don't want to get into a shouting match who just want
to enjoy time with their family to have a nice meal maybe it's their day off maybe they've had a promotion that they're celebrating there could be any number of reasons as to why but they generally want to live
in harmony the toxic expat will see the gracious and kind nature of the Filipino people and they will see this as a weakness as opposed to a virtue as opposed to kindness they will think oh wow well they'll
tolerate my terrible Behavior some of these guys that are toxic or self-aware some are not but some are some know that the way in which they behave is not acceptable in the west but that there are other cultures
that like I said they're more forgiving they're more understanding they have more sympathy for these types of people they know most of the people with these issues didn't develop them in an echo chamber that they probably weren't treated
very well themselves and that's why they learned this kind of behavior they learn this way of doing things that doesn't allow them to fit into their home country that's why they left their home country is that people won't
tolerate it people won't put up with it they try to go to places where they are not as accountable there's a power imbalance where they get into situations where they can leverage their modest amount of money to exert
greater sense of control a lot of toxic people look for situations where they can Dominate and control they find out in certain types of structures that their behavior will be quickly called out people aren't going to want to
hire you you see this with advertising deals where a celebrity will get caught doing something bad and then overnight their advertising deals will dry up they may be in a position where they've got enough money such that they
can kind of eek out a still comfortable lifestyle but for these toxic expats they're not celebrities they're not famous many of them aren't accomplished back home but what is a small amount of money back home can get them
into these situations where they can control people they might go for a woman who is a very very modest means knowing hey there's real consequences to her leaving me it's not so easy for her to tell me look
I'm not going to put up with this because she may be reling iance upon him to provide some additional money to provide health care for her family or to provide shelter for her family and she's not in a
position where she could just call this Behavior out in the same way that a woman in the United States could some expats are also exploiting the sense of anonymity where they can just come and go as say please
oh it didn't work out here oh I've got a bad reputation here I'll just go to the next Island I'll just move over there nobody will know my name nobody will know my history some vloggers also have resp
responsibility here where they sell the Philippines is this Panacea of solutions to all of life's problems and so it attracts some guys with a lot of issues that think I'll just go over there and everything will be perfect
everything in my life will be fixed my personality problems won't be an issue my budget problems won't be an issue my tendency to create problems won't be an issue and that's not the case but they think it is
right I mean there's a lot of vloggers out there that they find a problem people with issues in their home country and they sell the solution as go to another country and the Philippines happens to be an easy
cell gorgeous traffical country beautiful beaches attractive women fresh fruit available a lot of variety in terms of activities I'm often saying there's something here for everyone and so that does attract some of these guys that want to behave
badly that they're never going to have the budget to go to a Hawaii to go to a Key West Florida not that those places don't have their own challenges if they were to go to those places is they
wouldn't be met with kind loving forgiving accepting locals like the people here in the Philippines unfortunately there are some people who come here to the Philippines to take and take and take some of these people have high conflict
personalities they have this tendency to cause trouble that's why I think my videos sometimes elicit a negative or a harsh response is that they don't want people to be able to figure them out to have the insight into
the way that they act and for there to be transparency accountability I just just want to see people treat the Filipino people well they work really hard to make this a nice place to be the fact that we
can come here and enjoy this amazing place is a testament to their character and the wonderful qualities that they embody why am I making this video well sometimes I see people not being very gracious or kind or considerate
to the local people and it does bother me and I know that none of you are like that but that there are some people like that out there and we have to be mindful or aware that they exist
and to not pretend like we are a gift to this earth as foreigners living abroad let me know what you think that in the comments have you seen xats Behaving Badly what kind of behaviors have you seen that
are a problem some people say don't be negative I don't see this as negative I see it as neutral as a neutral as neutral observations of reality being able to address some of these concerns and I've had Filipino
people both in person and in my comment section tell me yeah I've encountered difficult foreigners and I wasn't sure how to deal with it additionally give us a thumbs up if you enjoy this content it helps with the
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