hey YouTube Alex here and in today's video I want to answer the question why are some xad so negative now I've gotten labeled as a negative person if you think I'm negative go check out my live streams if
some of you think I'm negative then you probably have a good point I'm not always the most positive person when you work in sales or you work in engineering or you learn about these subjects you basically solve problems
all day and so if you're focused on problems all the time you can develop a bit of a negative attitude I'll go ahead and get into the reasons this why expats tend to be negative and I've got five
reasons for you here so let's go ahead and get into it reason number one is unrealistic expectations I've found that a lot of the negative expats that I've encountered they came here expecting to meet the woman in their
dreams at the airport to eat five star quality meals every single night to own a nice vehicle and to live in the best neighborhood in the city all for $11,000 a month okay maybe that's a bit of an
exaggeration but a lot of guys they come here with this idea that moving to the Philippines is is going to solve all of their problems or in certaint country there it could be Thailand it could be somewhere in
South America like Colombia but they get it in their head that xat life will totally fix everything that has gone wrong in their life to date if they went through a divorce they're suddenly going to not be divorced
anymore if they went bankrupt all of a sudden their finances are going to be perfect again any problem that they had back home they think will cease to be a problem when they move overseas I readily admit that
where you live is the most important decision that you'll make it affects your relationships it affects your diet it affects your health care there's so many different factors that your location determines but what it doesn't do is fix
every problem under the sun when a new expat goes to a restaurant and orders something and they hear oh unavailable sir or sorry sir out of stock it's like their whole world crumbles their happiness rested on them going
and having the perfect meal at the perfect price and when that doesn't happen it's like things just start to crumble for some of them other guys come here and they meet a beautiful woman and then they act shocked
when she has an economic struggle right when she comes from a family that may have modest means may not have a fancy home or a brand new car in the driveway and then when they may need some assistance
or they ask for some level of assistance oh I can't believe that I see it all the time with guys that come here and act shocked that there are people who struggle financially it's like what you thought the
only people struggling economically were back in your home country and that everywhere outside of your home country nobody has any struggle that's not the case there's struggle everywhere in the world people do struggle with different kinds of challenges
or different kinds of problems and it's common in the culture here for a foreigner to offer some level of support for the family what each Foreigner can afford is different but this is very common it doesn't have to
be extravagant but some guys come here expecting to give absolutely nothing and are shocked when the family is struggling financially or has some level of financial difficulty another area where expectations seem to cause issues is people come here
expecting it to be just like the United States for example some will watch Vlogs tell them they can live on a king like for $400 a month everything will just be fine they're trying to sell them a kind
of a solution inevitably those idealizations get ruined when they get here and they find out wow it's not so cheap to live a Western Standard their expectations far exceed the reality based on their budget some guys will go
to a restaurant and think oh I'm paying just this price for this meal and then they get upset when it doesn't go exactly the way that they thought it would they assume they're going to get the highend standard
at the budget price point there is good value for money here like for me I think that you get way more than what you put in as a foreigner in most cases but for some people that's not good
enough they want to put in nothing and get everything and their expectation is that they're going to get the perfect everything while not spending a time the last compon of this is people getting fatigued by Paradise I remember
a friend in Mexico told me when I asked him how are you doing today oh it's another bad day in paradise but he used a different word besides bad and I was shocked I was thinking you live in
this gorgeous Paradise he lives on the beach in Mexico the weather is gorgeous the food is amazing oh man the food there is amazing how could you not be happy every single day and he explained to me well
when you come here on vacation you have a great time it's a break from your day-to-day life you're not going to the office he explained to me that when you live this life every day you get used to
it the beautiful beach the first time you see it amazing the 10,000th time you see it and you got to work if you're living in a tropical Paradise you're probably going to have to work in tourism and deal
with tourists all the time and I think that can contribute to a feeling of being jaded too at times expats are like I never expected to get bored of the beach I never expected to get bored of the
nice weather I never expected to get bored of looking at beautiful women all day I personally haven't gotten desensitized to these things but I'm sure some guys have and they get worn out and they eventually want to go
back home because they don't get that excitement like they did when they first got here I think some guys are genuinely surprised when they develop a tolerance for the things that they love here the next reason that xats
can be negative is social dynamics I found that a lot of xad hotspots tend to have these clicks form where people form into groups of different guys or gals they fix ate on what happens with that group and
I don't know if it's like a mimicking of American culture or if it's just a common thing where people find like-minded people or people that share values with them they sort of lose their individuality in that group everything
that matters is happening within the context of that group and if they get kicked out of that group or they lose friendships it tends to cause a lot of hard feelings I've seen groups shift over time and oh
he's one of us and he's not one of us I think that does Act add a lot to the negativity where people feel this pressure to conform I often say groups are seeking for consensus guys that maybe they'
be positive people and I have experienced this where I run into somebody I know that tends toward being a negative person and I go from being cheerful or happy that day to feeling negative and so I've had to
become more selective about where I spend my time in town to avoid some of the places to avoid being around some of the negative people that you'll find anywhere in the world any City go to there will be
people who tend to be negative tend to be kind of Debbie downers I don't blame them I get it their life has probably been hard it's not going to help them for me to be around them and for
me to also become negative it's something I've had to become more self-aware about that I am impacted by the people I hang around the people I spend time around so it's not just that all xats are negative it's
that some negative expats will bring the mood down and you meet some of these people that they suck the air out of the room where people are having a lively conversation they're having fun that person comes into the
picture and now everybody's checking their watches I think I left the roast onor I got to get out of here so that's definitely component is the social groups and how the group dynamics change based on the membership of
those groups isolation combined with a lack of purpose a lot of guys from they're back home they've got a demanding career they're a salesperson they're a lawyer business owner they've got a career in industry and it's very clear
what they need to do every day man if you don't get to work your team's going to suffer man if you don't get to work your employees aren't going to know what to do and a lot of them
go from 60 to zero they go from this very fast-paced lifestyle to a lifestyle where they're just kind of hanging out at coffee shops I've had this conversation with one of my early subscribers Tony shout out to Tony
who is also a channel member if you want to support the channel you can do so through membership down below Tony mentioned that I don't know how I'm going to handle going from 60 mph in his life in
Canada where he's an educator he's a teacher he has a lot of responsibility there to go from that to a life where it's not clear he has anywhere to be he doesn't have any major responsibilities there's nobody that
needs him to be in a certain place at a certain time he may be permitted to do some light local work in the form of teaching English but that's not the same as the life he has led in
Canada guys end up socially isolated they may struggle to make friends they may feel unwell upstairs they don't make the social connections they thought they would maybe they just find that the area they mooved to it's just a
hard place to make friends maybe they feel a bit lost and struggle to relate to other expats definitely met guys like that that struggle to find their group that they feel like they belong to that group that they
have shared values and a sense of community some xets also struggle to integrate with the local community I've met some guys that are always criticizing Filipinos oh Filipinos this and oh filipino's that and I'm just thinking man go
somewhere else but they don't have that self-awareness to take responsibility man maybe it's that I can't afford to live the way that I want to live it's not a problem with them it's actually a problem with me some
exps tend toward negativity because they have this external locus of control where they believe everything is happening to them and that they are this powerless rudderless ship in this ocean of expat life they are just helpless and Hess
and they can do nothing to take control over their situation it's really unfortunate but it is the way it is we have to take responsibility to avoid totally falling into a pit of despair the next reason could be
financial problems the presumption is that we are all financially prepared when we come here and unfortunately that's not always the case some of us are very underprepared financially we didn't save up enough money to do this we don't
have a pension we don't have a plan we don't have a lot of forethought that went into us coming over here and for the younger guys they can figure it out right they can go back home and work
they can pay give it to a new career but for the older guys they don't have such flexibility often I'm often thinking you don't have a problem with your destination or the city you live in you have a
problem with your budget and it's not going to be easily solved if you don't sort out your budget if you don't increase your income if you don't have a way to improve your situation for whatever reason but it's
not fair to blame local people for your lack of planning they didn't make your financial decisions they didn't make the choice for you to come here or to there or wherever you're at and I think some guys just
don't want to admit you know what I made some bad choices I made some poor Investments I lived above my means borrowed too much money I was obsessed with living on credit I wanted people to think I was
a high status person there's a lot of reasons why guys make bad financial choices and it's certainly not the fault of the people in the place that you landed I think some also are surprised at the requests for
money or you could say the demands for money that sometimes you get here there's a perception that if you could afford to fly here halfway around the world for most of us that you've got a lot of disposable
income and not everybody here does in fact I would say that many do not that's why they left their home country some guys do to basically provide financially and to be used for their money or or even the
perception right because I feel like it's almost like a double sting for some of these guys that if they don't have much money and there's a perception that they have a lot of money they're getting hit up for
money and it's like this reminder not only is it perhaps an irritant or something that interrupts their day but it's also a reminder you can't even afford to be generous in the way that you might like to be
generous if you had more means if you were a person of Greater means also I think some of the expats here they have some amount of embarrassment with their financial situation like they came from a very well-to-do country
historically the West has been a place of great social Mobility places where people can get ahead where people can rise up and so if they're coming from these countries and they haven't risen up in fact they've kind of
stagnated financially it's a little bit hard to elicit sympathy from a local when they know for a fact that the wages in your country your home country are much higher than the wages in their country and I get
the sense that some of them are wondering why would you come here I think information is changing hands more and more and people are starting to get it didn't you plan ahead like the wages in your country are
super high there's opportunity for promotions you have retirement schemes there's a lot of different ways you can get ahead financially that are unique to the Western World now on the other side of things some guys feel the sense
of guilt like they're doing really well and they're surrounded by people who are struggling and they feel like why me why is it that I get to have a comfortable place to live and I eat in comfortable restaurants
I'm able to take cabs wherever I want to go whenever I want I live a very comfortable lifestyle that I don't want for anything and yet I encounter a lot of people who are struggling I remember being on
a date in Thailand and the woman I was seeing pointed at a restaurant worker and explained to me look at how tired he is and it definitely hit me hard the final part here that I've noticed is that
some expats get envious of other expat's Financial positions they see a guy who lives a lot better than them or a gal who lives a lot better than them maybe can afford a family maybe can afford a personal
vehicle I think that can cause some of them to be negative because it's like okay you guys came from the same country or similar countries why is it that one guy made better decisions and another guy did not
make such good decisions I don't think this applies to everybody these are not applying to everybody there's guys of modest means who are very happy there's guys with substantial means that are unhappy there's every type of exp that
you could think of in terms of financial background and it's important to not reduce people to numbers but yeah I have noticed that that's part of the negativity is that seeing somebody who is more successful than you can
for some make them envious and wish they had prepared better the next one is health concerns a lot of expats I've said it before skew older they tend to have a tendency toward having some health concerns as they
get older this is normal in any country but they may feel that the health care they can get locally is not to their liking depending on where they are in the world depending on how remote they are they
may feel like hm you know I really want treatment and finances go into this of course they may not be able to go to the main city where treatment is higher quality and and where they may have a
greater variety of service providers if you're a person who suffers from chronic pain or some other kind of Health alment then it can cause you to feel cranky I know there have been times in my life even though
I'm very young still by expad standards I had aches and pains or I had a cold or some other kind of issue and I've often heard a healthy man has all kinds of desires and wishes a sick man
only desires to be healthy I think that applies here Healthcare options also vary by country and city I've met some guys that moved from one place to another they felt like wow I'm taking a step down in terms
of health care services so I think that can also lead to some negativity where they're trying to figure out do I need to go back to that other place even though I like living in this new place but
do I need to go back there because that's where the service providers are located finally budget does play a role here for some people they just don't have the budget for Quality Health Care they may not have the
budget for health insurance that may not be such a major concern when you're young but I think as you get older you have a higher and higher need for health insurance and simultaneously the cost goes up even abroad
people often feel like healthcare services abroad are less costly than the United States for example and I would agree with that they still cost something they're still not free this doesn't even begin to get into the role that
mental health could play in terms of being negative or being perceived as negative there's a lot of people who struggle and Mental Health Services abroad can be hit or missed depending on where you go I've heard Argentina has
a lot of options it definitely varies by country by Culture by City And is definitely impacted by budget I mean if somebody can't afford physical health care they're probably not capable of affording Mental Health Services as well it's
really unfortunate it's really tragic but it is part of the reality the last Point here will be a compilation of some different reasons that I thought about the first being if things were working out back home you probably
wouldn't move overseas this can at times apply to Immigrant communities as well not always if things were perfect in your home country for you you had the career you had the wife you had the kids the grandkids you
were really enjoying your life back home you wouldn't really have a need to move to another country I've said it before almost every single guy I've met here over the age of 40 45 has been divorced at least
once many have gone bankrupt some have obvious challenges upstairs let's say I haven't met a single one with a perfect background I haven't met a single one with a perfect background another one that I've seen is some deal
with what I call toxic positivity everything has to be positive all the time you see this with some people where everything is positive there's never anything negative I think it's just as bad as if everything is negative and
somebody can never see the positive I see reality as neutral reality has some positives negatives and is often somewhere in the middle most of my days aren't amazing most of my days aren't horrible most of my days are
pretty basic and neutral here and that's the way I like it but for some guys that expect every every single day to be a home run I think they will be disappointed there are times in which people brand
reality that they don't want to deal with as negative you can call it toxic positivity where don't ever say anything negative and it's like an avoidance they want to avoid dealing with reality I found that some of the
best strides I made in life have been from confronting negativity from confronting the harshness of reality getting feedback I mean when I worked in sales was a lot of feedback a lot of it was pretty harsh but I
needed to hear it because I needed to grow I needed to learn it really helped me to be more self-aware I think the best way to handle issues in general is to just confront them some people have a
tendency to avoid the elephant in the room they don't want to deal with it it brings them stress to see the difficult situation and the negativity seems to bury itself in their subconscious and their frustration builds and builds
and mounts and grows in severity and they keep trying to sidestep it and oh I'll just flip it around and some of the best progress I've made as a person has been through assessing reality seeing what's going on
addressing feedback I've gotten fantastic feedback from some of you who have really encouraged me to think or approach things a bit differently to improve the content for your benefit and I continue to assess and reassess and try to
figure out how I can make things better and it's times that involves confronting difficult emotions so anyway thank you so much for watching let me know what you think down in the comments below why do you think xats
are negative I recognize it's location dependent some locations have healthier communities than others there's several cities that come to mind that I think have fantastic communities let me know what the community is like in your city next give
us a thumbs up it helps with the YouTube algorithm and finally subscribe to the channel down below if you want to see more content like this and we'll see you soon bye-bye n
