hey YouTube Alex here and in today's video I want to cover the topic why are so many expats condescending and I've been accused of this a couple times I have to be self-aware that's not my intention and I
have to admit some of the things that I talk about could come across in a condescending way and I'm not here to put people down I'm not here to make people feel bad but this YouTube is in some
ways like a diary for me something that I share publicly but is often discussing things that are top of mine that I think some of you may relate to so that being said let me go ahead and get
into this topic and explore some different reasons as to why some people get this sense that some of us are being condescending the number one reason is that many expats have an expanded worldview I found that some people
that I talked to back home they want to relate to me they start bringing up well I saw this about that country I saw this about that country I have boots on the ground experience so I'm going to
share with them well this is my perception it's not my intention to make them feel like their experience is less legitimate but rather to point out I mean there's a lot of experiences that it works in Reverse there's
a lot of experiences that you can have in the US that are going to be different than what a news story online will cover right I mean there's many different examples that if you look at the people who
actually experienced that event like the pandemic in America they're going to have a different perspective than people who watched some random news organization covering one small experience and is doing so in such a way to create a certain
narrative that may be different and so this expanded worldview can I think make people feel like oh you think you're better than me because you're over there experiencing life in a way that I can't and so there's this
disconnection there where you're talking about things from a Global Perspective and they may only have the frame of reference of living in their own country in many ways I feel like we who have the privilege to live overseas
I think that we feel like we've grown in certain ways the People Back Home feel like they may have not grown it's almost like we're getting to participate in that personal growth that in some ways they feel that
they aren't being able to participate in because when you go abroad I found in some ways it can force you to think critically it can contradict what you want to believe I've had that experience many times in many
countries I had that experience when I went to Mexico where I talked to Americans oh no don't go there don't go there oh it's so bad and I went there it was fantastic now I do feel like if
somebody was Secure in their love for the United States they'd have no problem with saying hey I went to Mexico it was a lot better than what I was told but for whatever reason talking about Mexico in a
positive light seems to elicit either a negative response or a positive response depending on who you're talking to back home and to me it just is what it is it's not positive it's not negative it's different I mean
I've had good experiences there I'm sure some people have had different kinds of experiences but you know it's like should I just not talk about that and maybe that's the conclusion I come to is to just don't talk
about it because one of my friends that's a traveler he's traveled to many different places he tells me look I don't even talk about my travels anymore to people back home because it seems like unless they bring it
up to me nothing ever good comes of it number two is the romanticization of foreign life I think for some of us and I'm guilty of this one for sure we play up the positives and we downplay the
negatives and it comes across as being dismissive of back home when we do the reverse when all we focus on is the reverse back home but and I talked to one of my friends about this and he mentioned
the guy with the perfect life ain't coming over here the guy that's got the happy family and the grandkids and the nice home and the cars what appeal is there to come over here so naturally you have a
self- selecting group of people that they've come over here they have strong reasons for that it's not just ah I got bored boredom is the tip of the iceberg for most of us I don't think it's just I
got bored I think for most of us boredom is the tip of the iceberg that is alongside many other issues that we're dealing with back home this attitude can suggest that foreign cultures are more enriching than the cultures
back home and this implication can really make people feel upset I think especially those who may feel especially patriotic or proud of the United States as though I'm dismissive of their life in general and that's not my intention
I can only talk about about my own experiences right to me this channel is not just about me this channel is about us and all of our shared experiences and so many of the things that I talk about
it's not saying I'm having this experience you have to have this experience it's more like I'm having this experience or I've had this experience and you may also share that experience but I think that for those who don't
ever see themselves being able to leave they feel like well this is the best I've got don't rub it in my face that you're able to go somewhere else of course this doesn't even get into the people that
say well what about what about what about yes I know there are people struggling in every country but I can only speak to my own struggles I will never be a local person here I'm not from here if
you can't tell I'm not from here and so I can't speak to their experience oh yes you can I'm not going to make a documentary video where I go into neighborhoods of modest means and oh look at how
bad it is and this and that because you think I get hate now I would get a ton of hate if I did that and I don't want to put those people down and I don't think that's particularly
helpful to oh look at how America is so amazing compared to this a lot of times I think people I don't know if it's that they feel so proud of America that they don't want to acknowledge any challenges
I don't know if it's that they need to buy into some kind of delusion about how their life is awesome so everybody's life should be awesome in America if they watch some TV show about how life is hard
in some other country then everybody in that country's life should be hard there's a lot more Nuance to it than that I mean it's almost like some people want me to go around saying oh look at how bad
it is here oh I wish I was back in America oh this proves that America is so much better no there are some things I miss from back home overall there's not a lot that I miss back home
sorry not sorry I'm not intending to be condescending but everybody's life back home is so individualized and it's not realistic to say my life is awesome so your life is awesome too no that's just projection if you want
me to cover the struggles of life here feel free to connect me with a Filipino person who can speak more to the struggles of the average local person I only understand so much as a foreigner I'm not opposed
to covering that but I wouldn't be speaking from personal experience it's just not realistic for me to say oh I know how bad it it no people's struggles are unique to the individual no two people's problems are the
same one person might have a physical disability one person might struggle with their mental well-being another person may have gone through some tragic circumstances maybe a combination of the three but I think sometimes some Americans get it in
their head everybody's like me and it causes or creates severe cognitive dissonance when they're are confronted with people that have a different opinion I think this part of the assumption that expats are condescending or many expats are condescending
is that people expect everybody from the United States to be the same and it's not it's a multi cultural Society by definition there are people of different cultures different experiences that have different ways of thinking and that's just
part of life in America pretending all Americans are the same even a couple hundred years ago there was a class structure in the United States and that's not changed and that's not going to ever change from what I
can tell I just don't see that as being likely people get really upset when I talk about the class structure in America as though I am putting them down to point it out it's something that some people say
oh America's a classless society not anymore okay not anymore let's you have to be willfully ignorant to not see the decline of social mobility in the United States the income inequality the percentage of Americans living paycheck to paycheck
who can't afford a $400 emergency is substantial so to pretend that these aren't an issue is just doing mental gymnastics to avoid confronting the reality of the situation when people talk about how you're romanticizing life overseas well in
many of the countries that I've spent time in or lived in the difference between those countries in the United States is in those countries there's a cultural norm of helping out family or supporting family I've got so many
different examples of this around the world like in Peru I had dated a woman briefly and she wanted to start a restaurant so she opened a popup restaurant in her mom's restaurant another country I've been to some had
some financial difficulties they moved back in with their parents these kinds of things are looked down upon by many Americans not all but many Americans would look down on this kind of behavior so this idea that oh the
struggles are the same and oh you're overlooking at no I mean I went to a community party at Fiesta a couple days ago friend invited me and the whole neighborhood showed up everybody's enjoying having food together uh you
know enjoying beverages singing karaoke and really just having a wonderful time in a community I compare that to back in the US and there's just less and less of a sense of community over time now I know some
people get offended by this they have a great Community that's awesome if you have a great community in the US that's fantastic I know many of us do not the next point point number three is overcompensation for cultural
adaptation now one of the things that the philipinos have taught me is to chill out to be more calm to be more resilient to be willing to overlook imperfections to make the best of things and to have a
positive attitude and sometimes when I talk to people back home they're so frustrated in the grind that they are not only frustrated but if you tell them man just chill out or just relax or just calm down it's
almost like you're being accused of being condescending or dismissing of their frustrations and it's like look I can't help but learn from the Filipinos I can't help but appreciate their insight and their emotional intelligence and their wisdom I
can't help it I'm not trying to be ugly but it's really given me a lot of Peace of Mind to learn from the way that they handle things in such a calm manner many cases not always but in
many cases in times where previously I would have acted with frustration I would have acted with anger I don't know what they expect me to say should I say oh these Filipinos are too calm in the face of
difficulty they should be more frustrated the fourth point is identity reinforcement I found that people have this strong you're a traitor if you go over there you should stand and fight in the United States We're a nation of
immigrants and everybody is either an immigrant or a descendant of immigrants unless you're a Native American unless you're an indigenous person then you came from somebody who came from somewhere else and I'm thinking your ancestors didn't stand in
fight now of course I know there are many refugees I'm not here to put down refugees or people in that situation for the majority of Americans you left seeking a better life which is the case for the majority
of expats most of us are seeking a better life than what we could have in our home country and there's some vulnerability in that there's some risk-taking in that there is the chance that we fail right not everybody
succeeds over here that's a misconception that it works out for everybody if you feel that expats are condescending shouldn't you be happy that they're not living in the United States anymore or in the UK anymore shouldn't you feel
great that that they're not using public resources like public transportation the fifth point is that many of us expats are dealing with insecurity and I think that that can cause us to engage in condescending Behavior now I'm often
hearing about people in my home City Nashville bragging to me about how many people are moving there and then I immediately get into the cost about how expensive Nashville has gotten how it's become a very costly place to
live and it's no longer affordable for a lot of people and then they admit well I plan to eventually take over my parents house but if you're in my case you aren't so fortunate to have parents who will
leave you a home then prices on housing skyrocketing just makes it less appealing for me to go back right if houses were 250k and now they're 500k on average that only reinforces my sense of insecurity of okay so
that's awesome that you're going to have a place to live but I'm going to pay higher and higher rent while not being able to save as much money or to plan for my future so yeah there is some
level of insecurity there the skyrocketing cost of housing only reaffirms my decision to spend time overseas because my rent here is a fraction of what it would be back home that's not going to change yes rent may go
up rent in many other countries will never be comparable to the United States because the United States has policies designed to create artif icial pressure on the housing market there's rules and laws that prevent the construction of new
housing and you have the policy of mass immigration that brings lots and lots of demand to the supply many other countries may have immigration but they build plenty of housing they may have a high birth rate but they
build plenty of housing or they have a declining population and may have overbuilt in the past Japan is an example of this where people would say oh Japan's housing is going to get really expense no it's not they
have too much housing there's cheap houses all over the country country side and in the big cities they do not have nimbyism people talk about how awesome their lives are back home I am happy for many of them
but others I can tell they're playing this kind of game where they pretend things are better than they are or that one day things will get better and I'm wondering okay I've been out of the country for over
a year now close to a year and a half have things got better in the last year and a half from what I can tell they haven't I doubt that there's been meaningful change in the last year and
a half some of it has also make hope coping with the challenges of living overseas it's not perfect you can tell the Philippines can be a bit noisy at times you can tell it is hot sometimes it rains
too much for my liking it's not always perfect I said the word paradise and I'm going to do a video on that qualifying that I do have to remind myself sometimes of the challenges back home and why I'm
here because not every day is perfect I have to remind myself of the tradeoff that I make to live here and the tradeoffs that come with living over here for a long time and part of that is seeing
what's going on back home and so when I talk to people back home and I asked them about pricing or ask them about work these are two of the things that come up all the time in conversations with
people back home then the conversation gets kind of dark and I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge that right I mean if I didn't validate the experiences of other experts how would it make any sense if I
told these guys coming over here oh man you need to just go back home I hate that attitude you need to just stay home you don't need to drive up the prices around here no I get it I
get why so many people want to leave the United States these days more and more people that 10 years ago I never would have imagined would want to live outside the United States or now thinking man I need
to try my life over there so yeah it can come across as condescending when you can see my insecurities and you can also see my desire to validate the reasons why I'm here but that's just who I am
that's just the way I am I know it's not for everybody but I'm so thankful that this message is resonating with so many of you as I can tell by the growth of the channel when it boils down
to it I'm just trying to share my own experiences that you know I was unhappy back home in many different ways I will be unhappy when I have to go back home I am happier over here I am
generally more content with life over here it's not meant to dismiss the experiences of people back home but you have to save yourself and I found that living overseas is one of the ways in which I can save
myself that I can prioritize my own wellbeing look out for my future and live a better life I tend not to think that people here are super out of touch with life back home most of the people I
know here have lived 30 40 Years of their lives back in the United States or in the UK or in Australia and they're very familiar with the cost of living they're very familiar with the lifestyle I would say
some Boomers have escaped some of these issues they had certain protections or certain advantages that many of the younger Generations don't have but even many of the Boomers have had some of their own fair share of challenges and
I have some Boomer friends here that acknowledge the challenges and the struggles back in the US they haven't had these perfect idilic lives that they're accused of having and they validate my perceptions and my feelings while still encouraging
me to make good decisions so in closing I think one of the biggest differences between me and non- asian-americans is that I think more collectivistic I know that individualism is important I do value individualism but I grew up
in an Asian household I grew up being taught the group is more important than the individual much of my channel and what I talk about is influenced by that perspective it's not for everybody but it is who I
am anyway let me know what you think down in the comments below am I condescending am I a jerk totally fine for you to feel that way I can be a jerk sometimes but it's not intentional I do
have more personal growth to go for I do have many improvements that I can make in my life I'm far from a perfect person and I appreciate the feedback the feedback that you have for me is a gift
it helps me to improve the channel helps me to improve myself I appreciate you so much for watching give us a thumbs up if you found this content to be helpful and please subscribe to the channel down below
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