hey YouTube Alex here and I'm here in dumag been thinking about why you should learn to be happy alone as an expat the first benefit of learning to be happy alone as an expat is that expat friends come
and go I've noticed this in dagate but I think it's also true anywhere you go in the world people become friends and then they stay friends for a while then some drama comes up people disagree politically maybe people
have a business deal that goes wrong maybe somebody says something offensive to the other person or they're just having a bad day different reasons friendships end back home in the US sometimes people just drift apart but I think
if you're not happy alone or not able to be happy alone then you end up rushing into other relationships and trying to find happiness outside of yourself I found a lot of cities popular among expats or transient places
people move in every year people move away every year some people unfortunately pass on some people change their minds and really this goes for anywhere in the world but I think it's relevant to the topic of today's video
cuz I just try to unpack why some people succeed in becoming happier abroad and other people maybe not so successful so let's go ahead and get into it I'll be talking about this subject in the context of friendships
and later relationships so you'll probably build a core group of expat friends wherever you go but not everybody will stay in that Core group like I said some people move on different reasons that Core Group may change I've
seen it happen in different groups where people form their own groups so people move to another city if you're moving to a city halfway across the country your ability to interact with those people your ability to interact with
those people is going to be impacted I've recently heard of some people moving to another city because a popular vlogger moved there and I'm hoping that it works out for them because if it doesn't if something changes about
that situation why do I bring this topic up I bring it up cuz it's relevant to me this is something I've struggled with with I've thought about moving on from dumag and I'm trying to make sure that my
Social Circle here isn't the only factor that I stick around for because I've noticed some people just don't like living in a certain place and they pretend otherwise and then they take it out on the people around them
I did this back in the States I didn't like my hometown and I wasn't happy in my hometown I was much happier living elsewhere we as foreigners living abroad we have a lot of choices to make and they're
not always so straightforward Point number two is that you may want to move around I think a lot of guys gals they find a place they want to live there they try it out for a few months maybe
they live there for 6 months or a year they decide you know what I don't want to live here anymore maybe they go through a breakup and their priorities change they decide you know what I don't want to
be in the city that caters to couples anymore vice versa maybe they get into relationship and they're like you know what this city caters to Bachelors there's nothing wrong with moving around as your priorities change I think more
people in the world would be happier if they could change their location to one that's better fit for their needs at the time and I think that's part of why being happy alone is so valuable and I think
they have a tendency to blame dumag or the Philippines they have internal unhappiness they feel that they need to be around other people to be happy I think some guys they stay here in dagate because even if it's
not their favorite even if they don't love dagate they can't be happy alone in another city and so they complain about it it becomes toxic oh do meetti this oh draw meetti that and they might be better off
relocating to a different city choosing another city that's bigger choosing an area that's smaller town feeling there's a lot of great options here in the Philippines but I hate it for the people that they don't care for dumag
but they can't be happy alone they need to be around a community of expats I think it's helpful to have a community of expats I've got my own reasons for that but there's other things I like about to
meete Beyond just the presence of expats I like the western style restaurants I like that the traffic isn't too bad I like that the cost of living for me my opinion anyway is is fairly modest it's easy to
get around the city there's a lot of Transportation options there's a lot to like about here far beyond the presence of xats but I think for some guys the only thing they like about tagete is the xat community
otherwise they'd rather be somewhere else and that's why I find it valuable to be happy on my own is there are some days where I spend totally by myself here in DTI now I am more of an introvert
and I'm totally cool with that for those who don't care for the expats and do meete aren't you glad that there's a city where the people you don't particularly like can live as far as expats go I find
the Filipinos here to be wonderful but as far as expats i' certainly admit not all of us are the best and the brightest if you've learned to be happy on your own then it's no problem for you to
move around to find a place that's a better fit for you that resonates more with your values or your lifestyle preferences maybe you don't like your dating options in a certain city and there's a lot of choice anywhere
you go in the world any country you go to to pick a place that's the right fit for you but you can't take everybody with you right you can't pack all your friends into a suitcase and go I
have some friends I won't be able to see every day if I leave dagate and it does stink but I know I can be happy on my own Point number three is that you may go through a breakup
or two you may go through the end of a relationship things don't work work out with you and your girlfriend and you find yourself alone and if you didn't learn how to be happy on your own it may
be a real struggle I know some of us our lives and our happiness is reliance upon another person or a relationship and we just fall apart when that relationship ends I've seen it happen before it's happened to me
to some extent when I was younger where I just didn't know how to be happy alone and I think it's especially hard when you're in another country Halfway Around The World from what you're used to and you run
into difficulties and and you used to rely on another person to solve your problems and now you're on your own you can't figure things out I think it's probably worse in some ways outside of the Philippines because here
at least you have English right you can communicate with most people at a basic level if you're in Thailand or you're in another country that you don't speak the language in it's going to be a lot harder for
you if you haven't practiced being happy on your own and maybe you saw it coming and you started to make a plan to adjust I think that's a good thing if you feel like ah this relationship ain't going
so well maybe I should start to figure out what my life is going to look like cuz most of us we've been through breakups I think for a lot of us when we go through breakups it's not out
of the blue it's not totally random we had some suspicion or some warning signs it seems like the people that have the hardest time with breakups are those who never learn to be happy alone never learn how to
manage their feelings and now they're trying to find a rebound and now they're trying to find a rebound somebody to somebody to help them to bounce back to feel like somebody to help them bounce back somebody to help
them bounce back I have had an experience abroad where I broke it off with a girl or a girl broke it off with me I have had the experience abroad where I broke it off with a woman or
a woman broke it off with me and I thought to myself what am I doing here I have had the I have had the experience where I have had the experience where I broke it off with woman or
woman broke it off with me while living overseas and I thought what am I doing here and I really had this sort of existential question like is my love or happiness in this country related to my relationship or
related to my relationship or do I actually want to be here it's a deep question I was talking with my buddy Chad recently and he helped me to understand part of my initial falling in love with Thailand was
based on my romantic experiences there and there are some other countries that I could say the same about where part of the initial attraction was dating success and I might have rated my experiences in those countries more positively
than they were in actuality cuz I was just so thrilled about the romantic component of my life there and I think that helps to explain part of my love for the Philippines is that I didn't come here for
a dating I actually came here cuz I had hired a virtual assistant located here in the Philippines and so the Romantic part for me came later in my experience here it wasn't like oh I'm going there to meet
somebody that I have this romantic connection with it was more like I'm going there cuz I want to show thanks and gratitude toward the individual that helped me to have business success even though ultimately the relationship that I
later pursued in the Philippines with a woman I met uh didn't work out I still love the Philippines like there's not this frustration or bitterness toward the Philippines because I loved it before where there have been countries that
I went to and very quickly after arrival I found myself in a romantic relationship and when things went South it was like man can I really be happy here I don't know if I can be happy here um
even with Thailand a country I love I later had a relationship with a woman there it didn't work out and it made me question myself a lot as to whether or not I could really be happy there and
I've since reflected on that experience and had many other positive experiences in Thailand including dating uh and so I recognized it was just me and it was that point in my life but if you're not happy on your
own which I spent big drunks of my life unhappy spending time on my own or being alone it's going to color a lot of your experiences in a certain way that prevents you from having self-awareness I think finally
I'd say most of the guys that you meet here that are in successful relationships it wasn't their first relationship that worked out they went through a breakup they went through a second breakup and if they didn't know how
to be happy on their own and pick themselves back up lift themselves off the ground then they might have not found their love right they might have not found the one that's right for them uh and moved on
with their lives some of the biggest mistakes I've seen expats make here in the Philippines or in any country for that matter involve other people it's not like they were on their own and then went through a breakup
it's not like they were on their own and got into an altercation and an adult beverage establishment no I found most mistakes abroad to involve other people and in part result from people being unhappy by M themselves why
were you at that adult beverage establishment well I can't stand the thoughts in my head I don't like to be alone so I got to go there to forget why were you with that awful person well I can't
stand being single I've got to have somebody I've got to be with somebody and there's so many instances of this where people get mixed up with the wrong crowd I got mixed up with the wrong crowd when I
was younger and they waste their time may have a negative impact on their health definitely their wallet you want to mess up your finances start hanging out with the wrong people and so this is where I think learning
to be happy on your own you're not riant upon other people for happiness you're not uh trying to find happiness outside of yourself you're not desperate for attention from other people to feel whole you really avoid a lot
of pitfalls I mean I think a lot of people wonder what can I add to my life to make it better and for me I found much more often it's what could I subtract from my life to make
it better what uh what are the things that I should stop doing who are the people that I am better off not associating with what are the behaviors or the habits that I need to take accountability for and
try to work them out of who I am can I be healthier not are there things that other people could be doing but are there things that I could be doing to improve my situation improve my life and
I think with loneliness you know a lot of us feel lonely in the the modern world we rely too much on friends and family to solve that the most effective thing that I've found to deal with my loneliness
is to work with other people who are way sharper and more successful than I am uh guys that I really admire I think they are amazing at this craft that is YouTube and video production and that has really
done a number on my loneliness it's hard to feel lonely when you get to work with people who you admire their skill set their tenacity their determination their self-awareness and people that you would trade places with wow that
guy seems to be living life on his own terms in a way that's you know I see him smiling all the time I see I'm happy all the time that moves on to my final point where I I
think it's easier to consume or to subtract from our funds it's easier to spend our time than to save our time try to conserve our time for the people that we care about about that's what I'm looking for
is I'm searching for those people that really are those rare people that I enjoy being around as much as I enjoy being around myself I've removed a lot of toxic people for my life if you've watched my channel
for some time you can realize you're probably aware of some of those circumstances if not go back and watch some of my more popular videos that seem to be tackling that subject but yeah it was hard I mean
it was hard for me to walk away from difficult people in my life it was hard for me to say look I'm sitting this hard boundary uh this isn't going anywhere this isn't good for me this isn't good
for you and we need to go our separate ways sometimes I get labeled oh you're just abandoning them well if I'm such a jerk how am I helping them by being involved in their life right conversely if they're
a jerk what am I doing wrong to remove them from my life I'm not going to apologize for looking out for myself everybody's doing it and I just try to be mindful that looking out for myself doesn't directly
result in harming others there's a lot that people could do to work on their happiness trying to add themselves to me isn't going to make them happy and I've seen too many people in my life try to put
their happiness on me and I think that's part of growth so let us know what what you think down in the comments Below have you learned to be happy alone or on your own as an expat living overseas
have you struggled I've definitely had my struggles helps to generate an interesting discussion when we can talk about these things next give us a thumbs up it helps with the YouTube algorithm and finally subscribe to the channel down
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